I awoke this morning to yet again become aware that I am still the person who I was yesterday with roughly the same life. The same body, the same ruminating neuroses, the same seemingly obstructive physical self that I find my energies confined to.
It may only be me but I find this physical existence really laborious and limiting. That’s not to say I do not have wonder, love and excitement in my life, it’s just to say these feelings are channeled largely through my five senses which generally only relay to me the ‘ parts of the whole’.
I have spent time meditating and following my spiritual path as I see it and have been rewarded with numinous experiences which are near impossible to explain using everyday language.
I find that I straddle two worlds, one spiritually energetic and one enclosed and physical. I seem to oscillate between the two mostly, grounding helps to stop me becoming completely disorientated and confused by my cognitive duality.
Waxing lyrical, it could possibly because I am as an energy not fully integrated into my body. Whether by accident or design I am aligned differently to many others who seem to go blindly through their lives with no thought for anything other than meeting their human needs.
Seemingly I have strong empathic tendencies and I suspect one gives rise to the other. It would also explain why I have never felt that I fit in with society and the ‘ human’ world. Perhaps there is part of my energetic self that recalls my oneness with nature and the Universe, the feelings of peace, love and completeness often feel a hairs breadth away. Just out of sight, beyond the veil created by my physical self.
individuator 
I feel this way often as well, but I find it’s difficult to describe to others. It’s like my true self is just existence, pure energy, the raw experience of oneness with the universe… But then… who’s going to do the physical stuff? Have to work, eat, feed the animals, be a wife, fulfill family obligations, pay bills and taxes… It’s a strange contradiction, life as I experience it. I often feel depressed by the limitations. I suppose to be human is to experience the physical world and use your five senses, but feels alien to me at times.
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Same here Danielle, it’s kind of beautiful but confusing
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Great read….I certainly relate and was trying to write about this very topic the other day. “I find that I straddle two worlds…” that is exactly how I feel. Thank you
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” … beyond the veil created by my physical self.” ❤ And you are right – I often can't find… the words. Enjoyed reading. Thank you.
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