Sitting quietly on the porch gazing upwards, I watch the gossamer like clouds flit across the sky. Constantly changing forms, merging and breaking apart from each other in a dance of perpetual motion.
I am silently and unobtrusively aware of my mindstate. Thoughts and images drift by, each vying for my attention. Each trying in its own way to remove my sense of passive subtle awareness and entangle me in some form of concrete action.
Fortunately I am well aware of the minds ability to fill my day with distractions, I therefore simply allow myself to witness my minds internal activity.
However, I have often noted that my senses and psyche act as a constant lens in which to incorporate and interpret my subjective human experience.
This frequently seems to have led to my ego having created a seemingly objective storyline to my life. A storyline with which I am tempted to identify with completely. It sits far more comfortably with my mortal self than to surrender to my underlying sense and knowledge of non duality.
As I reflect on the past month , I am presented with the following egoic, corporeal chronicle .
A battle worn knight finally taking a moment to rest from repeated and relentless skirmishes necessary to maintain a degree of equilibrium in life.
The two battlefields of home and work aligned side by side as if to prevent any respite as I go from one to the other.
Mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted I fall into an involuntary but welcome relaxed and meditative state.
I have fought :
– Corporate deities who have sought to undermine any financial security I can muster.
– Those who have also sought to encourage organisational priorities over human welfare.
– Against politicians who seek to further impoverish the poor, disabled and elderly.
– To tackle and disarm individuals who had insisted that a persons unique and personal experience as invalid.
– To temporarily thwarted the ravages of psychosis in those who would succumb.
Then there are those more subtle, insidious adversaries who are much closer to home. The barely tangible voices whispering covertly to my soul.
Encouraging me to lie and deceive others to my own advantage.
Suggesting that I use whatever skills I have in order to promote myself above my peer group.
Ushering me to ‘ give up ‘ battling and resign myself to fate.
Inviting wrath, greed, lust and gluttony into my life in order for me to expend my energies in self pleasuring but inevitably self defeating activities.
I understand unequivocally that as long as I am alive and in human form the battles will continue.
But one day I will again reflect on my recent past to find a completely different tale has been told.
My life’s history laid down in my memory, like chapters in a book.
The key to my ongoing survival is being of the knowledge that I am truly not that which my mind suggests I am.
Of not falling into the delusion of self-hood.