I had previously written of how I had felt that this last month had me feeling like a battle worn knight in the middle of a battlefield. Life has recently thrown many metaphorical skirmishes my way in terms of physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual challenges.
I have felt completely drained, exhausted from defending many aspects of my internal and external worlds from those adversaries who would seek to undermine any integrity that I may have established.
As I had previously explained, fortunately I understand that my human, egoic interpretation of my experience is only that which is incorporated and deciphered through my human psyche and senses. This stands in opposition to my seemingly deeper sense of non duality.
Yet again that metaphor feels appropriate.
I stand alone on the battlefield of life.
Exhausted from the ongoing battles which I have fought. Not to gain advantage, but simply to maintain the physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual land that I identify as self.
Wearily I look around the landscape searching for a safe haven in which to rest.
Smiling wryly to myself I come to realise that even after all this time, I hadn’t understood that actually there is no such thing. For as long as I am seemingly contained in human form then my mortal struggles will persist.
In the distance I can see the ruined remains of previously perceived havens. Those of relationships and of material security, all of which were always inevitably perished due to their natural transience.
Bringing myself back to the present moment, I assess whatever resources that remain.
Tiredness, fatigue and weariness weigh me down. I may just have enough in me to sustain one more assault.
Out of nowhere comes an earth shattering explosion. I am thrown into the air landing heavily upon the ground, shards of debris pierce my skin and embed themselves into my body.
Surely this is finally the end. There could be no way that I, or anyone could continue having undergone such an attack.
Yet here I stand. Looking down on my physical self lying sprawled in the dust.
It was just a game after all.
It has taken years of struggle and heartache, to the point that my human self could withstand no more to realise that I would never really be destroyed. As a human I presumed that defined my existence.
But now I am aware that my perception of self was flawed.
It took my metaphorical physical destruction in order to realise that my essence is eternal. That in reality, I always have been and always will be.
I am now freed from my human burden of perceived mortality.
The doors of my previously finite understanding of life have been thrown open leaving me to live my life unfettered.