Loneliness…………

“Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible. ― Carl Gustav Jung

This quote pretty much defines my life experience up to now. I have witnessed beautiful aureate sunsets, inspiring sun rises, raging and tumultuous storms throwing oceanic waves mercilessly at the cliffs and Gaia’s subtle but numinous energetic pesence in wooded groves retaing their original genius loci.

I have been in awe at the many vista’s I have witnessed throughout my life but very few others ever seem to truly get the truly wonderous nature of our world. Many are in the grip in destination addiction, needing to get on and get things done. Or are so wrapped up in their own story that the outside world is only percieved as a projection of themselves. I suspect being empathic gives me a deeper and more sensitive predisposition to get truly lost in such experiences. To almost become as one with what is being witnessed, to feel the very essence of Natures forces.

If I was going to describe myself using adjectives ( which I am uncomfortable doing as the whole of a person is far more than the sum of parts ) those would be

– vegan ( none militant by the way, we have to find our own way in life in my opinion )

– spiritual ( I have had many spiritual like experiences usually along the lines of none duality / advaita. Despite not having any previous knowledge of these ideologies )

– empathic ( able to pick up on subtle energies from people, places, objects etc ).

So yes, despite having many people around me few really know how I experience life and what is really important to me on terms of what I truly appreciate in life. One does get used to the loneliness and sometimes it is enough to share it solely with oneself.

Should I Stay or Should I Go ( another bout of ascension sickness)

It always starts off seemingly innocuous enough. Sore throat, aching limbs with a knife kind of brain fogginess which renders me unable to communicate as effectively as I would wish. Each time is a little different however, sometimes there is a bombardment of synchronicities ( songs, memories and realisations), sometimes an increase in paranormal activity, frequent vibrational changes both internal and external to myself and inevitably a change of perspective.
My usual human perception changes, my reality becomes a flux of energies, all interconnected and seamless as the outside world dances before me. I am no longer ( nor ever was) a separate entity walking the planet, I am now in this very moment, all that ever was and will ever be, as I am part of the whole, undifferentiated and eternal.
My sense of self falls away, my previous egoic values which I held dear to my corporeal heart whither before the infinite ocean of existential potential.
So here my human self stands ( metaphorically speaking), on the dizzying precipice of embracing oneness, of falling into the brightly lit abyss of ego annihilation.
The sacrifice of my perceived selfhood for perennial Nirvana.

Sunday Sentience

I love Sundays. When I was younger I quite disliked them, what with shops, cafe’s, pubs etc either closed or shutting early. I would feel bored and confined to more mundane activities.
But not now. Sundays make it easier to step out of the hustle and bustle of the working week, away from the overwhelming array of social stimuli and having to remain seemingly stoic in the face of the many challenges that modern life can present us with.
Sitting on my porch on this still and frosty morning my mind naturally settles into a relaxed, reflective, lucid state. The pale, watery winter sunlight permeates the remaining foliage of the trees at the bottom of the garden, illuminating the crystalline drops of molten snow dangling precariously from the twigs and branches. A quarrel of small house sparrows fly into a nearby hedge seemingly bickering loudly. Two grey squirrels chase each other over the snow mottled grass, running and jumping in a fervent game of tag.
A couple of night black rooks stare down from a nearby rooftop as if surveying their territory. By their proximity to each other and the purely natural ease of their togetherness, their monogamy is undoubted.
I shiver outwardly as an icy breeze picks up and sears my face announcing the imminent arrival of distant clouds, heavy and grey with precipitation.
As I sit here watching Nature at play, I become aware of a wry but gentle smile upon my face.
I reflect on my current thoughts:
– whatever life presents us with, it is but the smallest ripple when compared to the enormity of existence, time and space.
– strange but paradoxically comforting is that my brief sojourn of life as a human on this planet is finite and at its end I return to my source, complete again.
– life itself is nothing more concrete than a constant dance of ephemeral gossamer illusions.
– that at the quantum level, I have never been or ever will be separate from the complex and exquisitely manifested world around me.

Yes, life is good, as long as I don’t take it personally ❤️❤️.

Shifting Sands

I’ve always found it strange how my mindset can change from day to day ( sometimes hour to hour). Not usually to extremes thankfully but enough to make me aware of the fluctuant nature of both my mental and physical processes.

This Sunday morning, sitting on the porch looking out on the garden and outlying countryside I am in awe of the world before me.
All of Nature feels adance with energy. A myriad of creatures all going about their daily business in perfect symphony with the stiff breeze that has excited the branches and leaves into a seemingly synchronitic movement.
I can almost sense the thrum of the very vibrancy of life coursing through the flora and fauna.
I too cannot help but be infected by the apparent urgent burgeoning of the raw potentiality of the day.

A single bee frantically busying itself collecting the last vestiges of nectar from the fading pink flowers of the Japanese Anemone.
A small flock of house sparrows and starlings descend on the pond to drink and bathe in a flurry of activity.
Two grey squirrels dart and leap amongst the branches of the old oak tree feverishly gathering acorns in readiness for the leaner times ahead.
The eternal moist freshness of the cool morning air blowing gently through my hair and over my bare skin, as if anointing me for the day ahead.
The primal cry of a nearby rook breaks the silence of the early morning bringing me briefly back from my reverie.

It’s in moments such as these that I am reminded of the true divinity innate in all of existence.
That every single second of our lives should be spent in eternal gratitude of this gift of human life.
It is truly humbling yet paradoxically liberating to realise that I too am just as much a part of Natures perfect tapestry.
I am as one with the all that abides on the Earth, the stars, the Moon and all the galaxies that exist billions and billions of miles away.
This flimsy carapace of flesh and bone had fooled me long enough into believing I was an isolated soul, abandoned on a planet speeding inanely in space.
I realise now that there is no singular life or death of anything or anyone, simply an unfolding of all that is.

From Shakti to Shiva ( or a human perspective on spiritual awakening)

Having had a few spiritually numinous experiences in my life which have seemingly boosted me along my ‘path’ somewhat I find myself nowadays living a rather paradoxical existence.

In short, being an empathically sensitive sort of guy led me to discover that my ‘sensitivity’ was related to having a more acutely tuned awareness to others and my environment. This in turn with meditation and the aforementioned experiences led to an understanding of the nonduality of life. That is to say there there is no true separation between everything in existence and that at a basic level we are all of one energetic event. The idea that we are separate is a delusion created by our largely crude senses combined with society’s predilection to socialise individuals into the same ideology.
It’s not a particular problem and in most ways it is rather helpful but having had in those moments a glimpse of what I now take to be my understanding of the true nature of reality, I seem to find myself admidst a society of mostly ‘crazy’ people. I am defining crazy here as merely my subjective description of others behaviour in line with my current perception of life itself, for it may be me who is crazy after all!

I see now why certain spiritual people describe the majority humanity as sleeping.
Individuals living their lives in search of novelty and distraction from the bigger questions of life, death and the transient nature of our mortal selves.
Investing their precious time here on Earth with the gathering of commodities and socially reinforcing relationships all in service of the ego.
This does by no means make these people less valuable, after all in the nature of true ‘oneness’, we are all in this together.
For me, the truth of the matter is that true divinity is all around us and inside of us. There never has been any true demarcation between ourselves / sunsets / sunrises / stormy seas and the serenity of a Summers day.
All of Nature, if one observes, sings of happiness and freedom. Ironically it seems only Man can feel burdened with the task of life.

Time Out Anyone……….?

Awoke this morning with my head still spinning from a busy week heavily involved with societal norms.
I need a day to slow right down and ground myself in reality. Not to be swept along by the chorus of egoic demands of society.
Being around people who largely behave like overgrown children in an adult world. Interpersonal one upmanship, individual voices vying for attention and praise from those that would listen.
Advertisements via every media format dangling like proverbial carrots to the masses. Unsubtley suggesting the acquirement of certain goods will increase their masculinity / femininity / desirability ( delete where applicable! )
Society’s obsession with getting things done faster and more efficiently.
People treated as cogs in the materialist machine. Generating company profits through the marketing of goods designed to entertain and distract individuals from other more soulful pursuits.
Paradoxically, despite the world having had many great compassionate leaders such as the Dalai Llama, Mother Theresa and Ghandi for instance as well as renown scientists such as Max Planck, Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking, as a society it seems we have learnt nothing.
The populace and governments continue to be preoccupied with the promotion of personal gain at the expense of others regardless of our Intrinsic human bond as a species.
The extolling of glamourous movie and music moguls whose only real gift to society is the publicity involved in their own small, personal indiscretions with others.
As an empathic, energetically sensitive sort of guy it seems as if the outside world is set up to be a place that seeks to swamp and distract me from any form of personal reflection, introspection and spiritual growth.

Sitting amongst the long grass in the meadow, Mother Nature sings a very different song.
The warm, comforting Summer breeze blows gently through my hair, brushing my skin in a loving caress. Bringing with it an array of aromas, from the May blossoms to the subtle but pervasive smell of the recently rain adorned earth.
The multifarious colours of the flowers rendered almost incandescent in the sunlight.
A flurry of house sparrows play amongst the brushes.
The low hypnotic thrum of the insects going about their seemingly incessant activity lulls me into a trance like state. A feeling of Oneness with creation transcends, a feeling of having never being separated from Nature.
Truly everything that has ever existed or will exist in the future are the closest kin I will ever have or need.
The heredity of every species of flora and fauna stretching back through history to the beginning of time.
Such a beautifully exquisite manifestation of life can only highlight Man’s shortfalls when it comes to a true appreciation and veneration of the very essence of existence itself.
Despite being surrounded by the unequivocal beauty of our planet, much of the human race seemingly remain either blind or asleep to its message.
Preferring to indulge themselves in soundbites of entertainment or time limited snippets of electronic novelty.
Yet amongst many, their discovery of their true nature is not so far below the surface. If only they took time to stop and stare.

“What is life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare…………..”

From the poem ‘ Leisure ‘ by William Henry Davies.

On Being a Dystopian Protagonist

Dystopia –
an imaginary society in which social or technological trends have culminated in a greatly diminished quality of life or degradation of values.
( Webster Collins Dictionary )

I have a few issues with the many definitions of dystopia. Ironically because if I was a dystopian protagonist, I would have. My main issue being the assumption that this society may be solely imaginary or imagined.
I am not a stranger to feeling isolated and alone in Western Society, after all, being both an empathic and a spiritually minded individual lends to not sharing similar proclivities to those around me. Add to that, that I have a rather indefinable organic, non dualistic, animistic understanding of existence pushes me further to the periphery of society.

Subsequently one could assume that, from my viewpoint, I wouldn’t feel particularly comfortable with the world around me as it stands.
Saying that however I know of many, many people who share the same disillusionment with the way the Western world has ‘developed’ over the past fifty or so years.

Going back to the definitions of dystopia, I find they relate more to today’s societal structure than at any time in the distant past.
The dystopia ( I believe ) has occurred in a multifactorial / multifaceted manner. Though I know many believe in conspiracy theories relating to the mind control of the populace and the supposed power held by hidden organisations. They may, to some extent, indeed be true, but I can only really go by what I percieve.
Certainly it seems that we are nearer to a dystopian society than a utopian one.

It seems to me that social and technological trends have indeed led to a diminished quality of life and degradation of values.
Whereas countries and states had their own cultural identity, their own unique ancestral imprint that helped define them and make them who they were. It seems that due to mass commercialisation via the internet / cable and satellite TV/ radio / etc etc much of the world has become a monoculture of materialism.
There are cases where the introduction of television and other technologies have adversely effected the mental health of those cultures who were previously naive to such things.
Add to that the current social media epidemic that encourages the promotion of self ( via ‘selfies’ with or without filters ), littered with advertisements about how to boost your looks / wealth / social standing by engaging with different groups and products. There is even some credibility in ‘false news’, where the suggestion of its existence implies some degree of validity!!

Also the amount of young ( and not so young ) individuals who spend vast amounts of their life being ‘entertained’ by gaming or preoccupied with other similar technological devices. People using technology to gain revenge on others or videoing acts of violence and depravity.

Don’t get me wrong however, there is some good come out of the advances in computer science and its ill but it seems largely uncontrolled and has undoubtedly changed massively the way people live their lives over recent years.

Even when I was young I took social trends to be the ‘norm’ and sacrificed some of my authenticity in order to be more accepted by my peers and this was without all the commercial brainwashing and societal conditioning of today.
However, this I have not done for a long time.

So, what’s all this to do with anything?
Firstly, as an empathic individual I feel others unhappiness and frustration and believe me it seems to have increased immensely over recent years.
I urge people to find ‘themselves’ amongst the array of stereotypes being forced on them, either openly or insidiously. Everyone has their own truth inside of them, we just need to discover it. You do not need anyone to agree with you or you to falsely agree with others to maintain one’s mental and emotional homeostasis.

In fact, in some ways you could say that we have a moral obligation to not do so.

“Resistance to the organized mass can be effected only by the
man who is as well organized in his individuality as the mass itself”.
Source: The Undiscovered Self, chapter 4 (1957)
“It is the individual’s task to differentiate himself from all the others
and stand on his own feet. All collective identities . . . interfere
with the fulfillment of this task. Such collective identities are
crutches for the lame, shields for the timid, beds for the lazy,
nurseries for the irresponsible”.

Carl Gustav Jung.

Societys Zombie Apocalypse…….?

Most days I get by.
I get by thanks to my undying belief in the purity and glory of life.
In the knowledge that all is transient, all is interconnected and that all is one.

However at times my human heart tires, my spirit is dampened by those that would seem to be other than sentient. It is an unavoidable aspect of existence and one that thankfully only briefly clouds my vision until personal clarity and equanimity resume.

These instances are only ever caused by my fellow man.
By those whom –

– Prefer to persecute and criticise others in the aim of inflicting pain and percieved personal gain.

– Much prefer the idea of an anthropocentric existence to a holistic, empathic world view.

– Those individuals who would invest their time and energy in order to display their personal financial wealth in order to fill the empty rooms of their soul and to feed their ego with the transient.

As above , there are those that would use their position in society to promote themselves and reduce others.

There are also those that due to them living an almost voluntarily blinkered life, consumed by materialism, satiated by the toys given them by society.

– Those whose eyes are affixed to their mobile phones, who wander the Earth using technology as a window in which to frame the infinite complexity and divinity of the world around them. That also blind them from her entreaties for compassion for herself and her kin

– The dead eyes of the many television viewers soaking up without question all that is programmed into them via satellite networks

– those whose preoccupation with building a wall of amusement and distraction around them will never hear the cries of help from others, feel others pains or seek to understand and nurture those individuals who need the sustenance of warmth, love and belief that may have otherwise been available.

Despite the indifference, negativity and sometimes active resistance of others to experience or entertain any other philosophical or psychological standpoint, I will quietly go my own way. By subtle actions, quiet words and compassion, I will stand my ground and hopefully make some difference for the benefit of those that would require it.

Spiritual Individuation ( a precis )

Colours blind the eye.

Sounds deafen the ear.

Flavours numb the taste.

Thoughts weaken the mind.

Desires wither the heart.
The Master observes the world

but trusts his inner vision.

He allows things to come and go.

His heart is open as the sky.
From the Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu
I know many of us with a predisposition towards the spiritual life can suffer tremendously as we precariously tread our path. There is in us all, our own rendition of spirituality. A unique and innate seed that seeks expression and fulfilment through our experience of life itself. My own was through the discovery that I am empathic.
I am no expert on anyone’s life as we all are different. Each of us growing from a distinct DNA in our own individual habitat of physical, psychological and emotional environments.

However, in the hope of helping others, I wish to communicate briefly my experience thus far.
After many years of reflection, meditation and various numinous experiences in my life I found that actually I knew my truth all along, I just needed to discover it. My truth was ingrained in my heart from the very beginning. I suspect it took awhile to discover as my truth was not of my culture and thus many of my spiritual experiences were alien to me as they were to my peers.

This is where the idea of spiritual individuation came from.
The term ” individuation ” was coined by Carl Jung, a psychiatrist and psychotherapist. His theory was that in order for humans to become the best version themselves we had to allow ourselves to be authentic. That is to seek to express in ourselves and in life our intuitive true nature. The problem with this is it can often be at odds with our culture, peers the society we are born into.
Although I never used to think that being empathic was a gift ( due to its initially confusing and draining properties ) , I now know that it was indeed. One which, once understood, has been pivotal in helping me find myself and for me, my true relationship with the world around me.
So to all you fellow strugglers, whatsoever pain or challenges you may face, rest assured that you are more than you perceive yourself to be. You are more than your current problems, more than your fears for the future and more than the hurts of your past. If you can carry on pursuing your heartfelt path, in my experience, you will find peace and equanimity.

In This Moment…………..

I love to read by candlelight. 

As dusk falls outside, a chill breeze passes through the house. 

The candle flame flickers in response, instilling life to the dark shadows around me.

I take a moment to enjoy the serenity of  silence that only night time can bring.

The sensual, earthy aroma that accompanies early Autumn has filled my house, bringing with it a multitude of memories infused with bittersweet emotions. It feels as if there is no demarcation between inside or outside. Both worlds are incorporated into a seamless, unified reality of which I too are intimately connected. 
A deep tranquillity settles within my heart and soul. 

It seems that this very moment will last forever . When all worlds become one an eternal stillness is created within which any sense of duality is lost.
Through the open window I see the black velvet of the night sky peppered with small pinpricks of light. Moonlight highlights misshapen clouds as they scud silently across the horizon. Her silver phosphorescence cast upon the landscape as if to lovingly caress her nocturnal kith and kindred. 

I draw comfort from the sight, the same stars and constellations that were there at my birth and have been with me throughout my life. They continue to provide an exquisitely beautiful backdrop to so much of my life, both past and present. 
Out to the porch overlooking my ramshackle garden, my ears are met with the distant mewling of fox cubs. The occasional solitary hoot of an owl adds testament to the incoming night.

A single pipistrelle darts around the street lamp seeking to snare those insects drawn to its fluorescent light. 

A small field mouse scurries through the undergrowth, halting only to sense for any nearby predators that might be hidden amongst the shadows.
I remain as one with the Earth and with eternity. There has never been any separation between myself and the universe. For I feel that deep inside myself I have borne witness to this world since the beginning of time. 

It feels that all of my ancestral memories are within me. There is no physical recall of events, just a deep and soulful knowledge. 

There is no fear of the future for this has always been so and will be forever.