It’s Been Awhile…. ( on curveballs and life)

Well it’s been over a year since I last wrote a post and what a year it’s been ( well two years actually). Just when you think you’re getting a handle on things, life throws you a curveball or several in my case. To name a few

– Suffering burnout from work and subsequently anxiety and depression.

– My mother developing cancer

– My eldest son bring beaten up and getting his skull fractured

– Financial difficulties due to a lack of a decent pay rise in ten years

– Being newly diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome / Myalgic Encephalomyelitis.

Anyone who has read my blog knows at heart I’m a spiritual type of guy, so as you can imagine my life has thrown up some pertinent questions.

Generally my standpoint in life is many things happen for a reason, even though that may not be clear at the time. I do however feel that I have actually learnt something from the pain and anguish.

I have spent far too much energy and effort filling time with unnecessary but pleasantly distracting activities because I felt that I did not have the recourse for other, more meaningful ones. Such things as social media, popping into coffee shops or simply getting stuck in some form of behaviour which prevented me being alone with myself. The behaviour provided an excuse to not really confront the real issues which were present in my soul. They made me comfortable but not whole.

I currently have Covid so any sort of external activity has stopped and I have been left with little else to do but dig deeper into myself for answers. I have come to appreciate again those things in life that are most precious.

– the searing, flame ridden sunsets

– the majesty of birds and insects going about their daily lives

– the verdant, foliage ridden valleys blossoming in the Summer sun

– the primordial peace one can find when in the depths of the forest or by the ocean.

All this, when experienced calls to my eternal soul. I know that I have been witness to these events since time began. Every moment of our lives is a blessing and pregnant with magic and wonder if only we had eyes to see.

Obviously these experiences do not change difficult circumstances but they do however offer a different perspective. One of appreciation and love rather than stress and self pity.

So yes, I believe my recent problems have led me to begin again. To once more become of the world ( not just in it) and suitably humble. I am surely grateful.

Mental Health…..?

“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”
― J. Krishnamurti

I love this quote❤️
It’s quite simple in its sentiments but at the same time has far reaching implications when looked at in its broadest sense.
Although I don’t feel society is profoundly sick in its worse sense, it seems at the very least misguided. I know that many people have no issues with the way they live their lives and the societal environment within which they do so .
However myself and many other ‘sensitive’ / empathic individuals, from the conversations I have had, do indeed struggle.

We are after all acutely aware of the suffering of others, animals and even our planet.
We can pick up on subtle energies around us to the point of psychicism at times.
Our sensitivity heightens our perception and reaction to injustice, violence or abuse of any kind and generally and we are warm, caring and selfless as our predisposition could not allow us to be anything other.

This degree of sensitivity can effect us in many ways, not least of which our mental health.
The media constantly bombards society with high impact imagery in the form of soundbite adverts, movies, music and other information. Many people seem completely unaffected by this and in many cases seek it out and avidly share viewpoints on the gorier details of programmes or the news etc.
The promotion of the individual and the gathering of material wealth runs through the whole of western society, even seemingly at the expense of others in terms of one upmanship.
The reporting and treatment of others portrayed as outside our remit of concern ( that is those whom are of a different ethnicity / culture / country or social class) can be biased and punitive.
With many of our peers, friends and colleagues being of a not dissimilar mindset, this can leave us feeling isolated and unsupported.

Therefore it is no surprise that many of us succumb to mental health difficulties. In fact it would probably be more surprising if we didn’t!
Personally I suspect many people in todays society feel similar but possibly to a lesser degree.

Being empathic, for me is a spiritual gift. Whereas seemingly with the majority of the populace, spirituality plays little or no part.

” Modern society came into existence during the industrial revolution, when large portions of the population were driven from small towns into big cities in search of work and opportunity – instigating the birth of a mass society. While the development of a mass society generated benefits through the intensification of the division of labor, it also brought perilous problems. “This new form of existence…produced an individual who was unstable, insecure, and suggestible.” (Carl Jung, The Fight With the Shadow)

Perhaps the way the western world has subsequently developed is an artificial antidote to a factitious malady.
Maybe empathic / sensitive individuals have somehow remained unaffected by societys current burgeoning ideologues hence wishing for a simpler, more heartfelt existence.

Saving the World…….?

For some reason I seem to be a kind of ‘save the world’ type of person. There are probably many reasons for this i.e. I’m an INFP if you believe in the Myerrs Briggs analogies or perhaps I am really trying to save myself to take on a more analytic concept. Whatever the reason why doesn’t matter as I know my intention is heartfelt.
So I wake up every morning to yet again be confronted with society’s worst crimes, both against each other and the planet.
And then I have to figure out why, as is my nature.
In my career in mental health I have come across probably thousands of individuals with a huge variety of issues and they have taught me more about mankind than any book.

The steepest learning curve were to be found when I worked in secure units in forensic psychiatry. For those unfamiliar with the term, these are specialist units set up to deal with mentally disordered offenders who have committed crimes including murder and every other crime one can think of. These people have largely come from dysfunctional and abusive backgrounds and to be frank it is unsurprising that their lives took such a turn.
Although this is the extreme end of the spectrum, the problems albeit different by degree, are similar throughout human behaviour.

The average person in Western society seems to have very little understanding of their own and others inherent psychology.
Carl Jung stated
” We need more understanding of human nature, because the only real
danger that exists is man himself. He is the great danger, and we are
pitifully unaware of it. We know nothing of man, far too little. His psyche
should be studied, because we are the origin of all coming evil.
(Jung 1977 : 436).
He also frequently mentions the ‘shadow’ “which is a term he used to describe the unconscious which contain the more crude and baser elements of our psyche.

Though evidently man’s inhumanity to each other and other species is multifactorial, education would at least impart a possible degree of awareness as to regards ours and others actions in the world.
Perhaps a start would be to teach psychology at school along with the other sciences as it still seems to be percieved as a Cinderella subject. However nothing could be further from the truth.
In today’s society, more than ever, it would be highly beneficial for all to understand psychological phenomena like transference, projection, reaction formation etc. It would enable us as a society to see where destructive behaviours in ourselves and others emanate from.

Unfortunately numerous groups know how to manipulate human mentality.
Many people believe other races, cultures or even those of different ideologies as ‘less than human’
( as they may feel threatened in some way) and thus dispensible.
These groups can often whip up support by appealing to racist or nationalist prejudices. By doing this, in analytical terms, they are appealing to our injured selves and to its associated narcissistic rage. Again this would more than likely be unconscious in most individuals

Thus unless we as a society somehow address our cultural blindness to the ways of the human psyche, I fear the unconscious aspects of our minds will continue be enacted in the outside world in the form of interpersonal violence, wars, racism et al.

Neither Kith nor Kin

It’s strange that in this day and age ( in my humble opinion ) there seems so few people with an inclination to the spiritual. I mean with the accessibility to social media and thus new ideas one would have thought more would have been attracted to the topic.

For myself I know of no one in my circles who have the vaguest interest or understanding outside of their everyday existence. I often feel it would be nice to share a mutual exploration of viewpoints with someone but other than via the Internet there is no one person with whom I can involve.

Perhaps though this is the lesson. After all it is frequently stated that the way to understanding is an inward journey. It would still have been nice though to share the journey. ❤️

Alone…… ( Empath reflections part one)

Having purchased a beer from the bar he took a wander outside to the empty beer garden. Choosing a wooden bench which gave a view over the city street lights about a mile and a half away he sat down wearily. It was just getting to be dusk and the early evening air was becoming chill quite quickly. Rolling a cigarette from his pouch he reflected on various aspects of his life.
Especially how he appreciated his alone time.
One of the many downsides to bring an empath he had found was one could never quite shut out the noise of other peoples thoughts and emotions. When amongst others it was like a background of white noise often drowning out his own perceptions and clarity of thought. But now all that had stopped and his mind settled back into the luxurious still and quiet of the evening.
Yes, he thought, this whole empath thing is weird. It seems to only really be recognised by those whom have similar experiences and not widely accepted as being an actual trait.
He had never met another empath in the flesh with whom he could share his thoughts. He had found speaking to none empaths about it made them look at him incredulously and more often than not smile politely whilst they were thinking “okay fruit loop, you’re a nice guy but I need to either change the subject or make my excuses and leave”.
He had met a few people with empathic traits but they were usually to involved in their human egoic lives to be able to step out of the rational. One lady he has communicated with briefly was highly paranoid and guarded and was completely unable to discuss her experiences.

So here he was again, alone with his thoughts. Of course there are many upsides to being an empath. It gave one the ability to see and feel things with an exquisite depth seemingly unavailable to others. To be able to read most people literally like a book, few individuals had ever surprised him with their stories as he could feel it in their souls.
Therefore was also the paranormal stuff too. The small distant voices of others no longer of this realm, usually to be found in historic buildings / places. The occasional orb activity, the quick shadow movement of spirits in the vicinity, the hide and seek behaviour of spectral beings moving items around the house. That’s to name but a few.
But for now he would simply bathe his mind and soul in the calm silence and the cool evening air.

Living the Paradox……..

The subtle ochre and aureate shades of the Autumn leaves in the pale sunshine of fall,

The chill air of a new morning brushing against my exposed flesh, as if baptising my body ready for the day,

The tumultuos grey waves of the ocean as they throw themselves angrily at the granite cliffs,

The raging storm filling the sky with heavy leaden clouds, the flashes of steely lightening turning my surroundings into a monochromatic vista.

The look of tender and all consuming love on a mother’s face as she holds her newborn close,

The wide eyed, open vulnerability of the many sentient animals who look to us for protection and sustenance,

The gentle loving touch of a loved one in an hour of need,

The fierce fire of compassion in the hearts of those who fight for the vulnerable.

The beauty and eloquence of this life is there for all who have the eyes to see.

However many of us are not blind to the pain implicit in life’s journey.

It has been said that there can be little appreciation of life’s highs without having experiencing the lower aspects of existence.

The corporate greed often at the expense of the individual,

The ego driven, divisive rhetoric of those who would have us follow,

The angry, vitriolic voices driving human lives to war,

The homeless, the abused and the lonely.

Those of us who truly have an empathic / spiritually inclined disposition can find this polarity of life challenging and confusing,

How is it possible that all these things can co-exist when they all contain the same implicit ingredients?

The call to those of us who are to heal can overwhelming.

As much as we wish to bring a quick and enduring end to suffering, we have only recourse to our finite resources.

This is when we need to remind ourselves that many small acts of kindness can bring about change. Cumulatively it can create a shift.

We can see it happening now with the challenging of investment in climate damaging activities and with society’s renewed interest in spiritual practices like yoga and meditation.

The simple act of a warm smile to a passing stranger, a gesture of compassion to the homeless, a comforting touch to the bereaved or the simple giving of time to those who need to be heard.

All these can make life just that little more bearable for those in need.

It may even save a life.

Epiphany….

The rain thunders downwards, straight and forceful hitting the ground like machine gun fire. The leaden grey sky reflected in the heaving tumultuous waves of the ocean creating an almost monochrome vista. This ruinous chapel affording my dank body some slight shelter from the elements. Situated in an open field on a rocky promontory forming a cape, surrounded by the relentlessly roaring sea, blending perfectly with its environs. The drystone walls, mortared rubble and rounded boulders of which it is constructed taken from the very earth on which it was constructed.

Huddled alone and drenched against the granite corbelled walls, my mortal self feels strangely alone. It’s as if I was the only living being in this seemingly austere yet enigmatic world. The only ever witness to the rugged beauty of the landscape.
Yet a paradoxical sense avails also.
A sense of oneness with the Earth, of being a unified part of all that was, is and will ever be. I am but a microcosm reflected in the greater whole.
In this rugged stone panorama I perceive my bones.
In the moss and meadow see my flesh.
In the sea and the rivulets of rain I behold my blood.
A numinous peace settles around my war torn heart.
For now I know ( as I have always known, deep inside), that I and all that is, are eternal.

Should I Stay or Should I Go ( another bout of ascension sickness)

It always starts off seemingly innocuous enough. Sore throat, aching limbs with a knife kind of brain fogginess which renders me unable to communicate as effectively as I would wish. Each time is a little different however, sometimes there is a bombardment of synchronicities ( songs, memories and realisations), sometimes an increase in paranormal activity, frequent vibrational changes both internal and external to myself and inevitably a change of perspective.
My usual human perception changes, my reality becomes a flux of energies, all interconnected and seamless as the outside world dances before me. I am no longer ( nor ever was) a separate entity walking the planet, I am now in this very moment, all that ever was and will ever be, as I am part of the whole, undifferentiated and eternal.
My sense of self falls away, my previous egoic values which I held dear to my corporeal heart whither before the infinite ocean of existential potential.
So here my human self stands ( metaphorically speaking), on the dizzying precipice of embracing oneness, of falling into the brightly lit abyss of ego annihilation.
The sacrifice of my perceived selfhood for perennial Nirvana.

The Journey…..

“The act of consciousness is central; otherwise we are overrun by the complexes. The hero in each of us is required to answer the call of individuation. We must turn away from the cacaphony of the outerworld to hear the inner voice. When we can dare to live its promptings, then we achieve personhood. We may become strangers to those who thought they knew us, but at least we are no longer strangers to ourselves”.

James Hollis, The Middle Passage: From Misery to Meaning in Midlife (Studies in Jungian Psychology by Jungian Analysts, 59

Our own unique individuation process leads us, if followed, along a spiritual path. This may well differ for individuals but this is necessary.
Ultimately we need to trust in ourselves and that if we truly follow our heart’s compass then we can become whom we are meant to be.
There will be struggles of course, times when we may feel lost and alone, filled with self doubt and confusion. This too is part of the process. The spiritual seekers of old have well documented the challenges that one faces, but there is no growth without pain. As individuals we frequently underestimate our strength and tenacity which can lead us to turn to distraction from the cause or even complete abandonment of our path.

However it is my experience that unless we continue then our life will remain less than fulfilled. The hero in us calls for us to stand alone if necessary and separate oneself from all that does not resonate with our souls. Only then can we stand strong in our knowledge and belief that our lives are authentic and our actions just.
For myself, my friends, colleagues and family more often than not believe me to be quirky and perhaps a little crazy and therefore humour me.
But as I have ‘grown’, I have found that I am no longer dependent on any one thing or person to help define me. Through the individuation process one becomes an actualised and independent entity who is a true rendition of one’s inner self. You become invulnerable to life’s rigors and the childish chatter of the ego.

With this comes a creative and playful aspect to living. A pure enjoyment of life, uncomplicated and unburdened of fear or doubt, we celebrate every moment with an open heart and joyous gratitude.

Your Eyes………

Your eyes are, after all, the gateway to your soul.

All the past hurts, pain, joy and love you have experienced are their for those who can ” see ” to see.

You have battled for forty years, first to try and save yourself then to save close friends, family and children. To protect them, to feed them physically and emotionally.

Despite all the physical and emotional scars you have received over time , you have stood strong.

You have lived your life without religious belief or any crutch to keep your spirit aloft. Your religion has been simply of having a pure and compassionate heart. A natural, uncomplicated spirituality which resides in your human soul, untouched by the mind, one in which your actions have always reflected your innermost self.
The years have taken their toll, physically and emotionally. At this very moment you need a crumb of the love you have given to be returned. Your heart needs to feel warmth and gentleness of another, someone who can see you. Someone who recognises your strength and your suffering, who completely accepts you as you are.

In whose eyes reflect deep human compassion, compassion that will be eternal and unwavering.

An unspoken acknowledgement of ones truth, of being accepted unconditionally as a human being, in all their own raw vulnerability.

Once received, your mind and body visibly relax, you no longer have to pretend to be fine. All the energy utilised to maintain the facade of being able to cope is released.

You know that you will never be truly alone, that there will really be someone who cares and understands.

And if warmth and compassion can reside in one individual then it must reside in others.

That there is always hope. That despite how desperate the situation, if one looks hard enough, trust in humanity can be restored. It is never always going to be easy, but having made that human connection, there will always be hope.