Your Eyes………

Your eyes are, after all, the gateway to your soul.

All the past hurts, pain, joy and love you have experienced are their for those who can ” see ” to see.

You have battled for forty years, first to try and save yourself then to save close friends, family and children. To protect them, to feed them physically and emotionally.

Despite all the physical and emotional scars you have received over time , you have stood strong.

You have lived your life without religious belief or any crutch to keep your spirit aloft. Your religion has been simply of having a pure and compassionate heart. A natural, uncomplicated spirituality which resides in your human soul, untouched by the mind, one in which your actions have always reflected your innermost self.
The years have taken their toll, physically and emotionally. At this very moment you need a crumb of the love you have given to be returned. Your heart needs to feel warmth and gentleness of another, someone who can see you. Someone who recognises your strength and your suffering, who completely accepts you as you are.

In whose eyes reflect deep human compassion, compassion that will be eternal and unwavering.

An unspoken acknowledgement of ones truth, of being accepted unconditionally as a human being, in all their own raw vulnerability.

Once received, your mind and body visibly relax, you no longer have to pretend to be fine. All the energy utilised to maintain the facade of being able to cope is released.

You know that you will never be truly alone, that there will really be someone who cares and understands.

And if warmth and compassion can reside in one individual then it must reside in others.

That there is always hope. That despite how desperate the situation, if one looks hard enough, trust in humanity can be restored. It is never always going to be easy, but having made that human connection, there will always be hope.

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Thoughts……..

“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”
― J. Krishnamurti

I love this quote❤️
It’s quite simple in its sentiments but at the same time has far reaching implications when looked at in its broadest sense.
Although I don’t feel society is profoundly sick in its worse sense, it seems at the very least misguided. I know that many people have no issues with the way they live their lives and the societal environment within which they do so .
However myself and many other ‘sensitive’ / empathic individuals, from the conversations I have had, do indeed struggle.

We are after all acutely aware of the suffering of others, animals and even our planet.
We can pick up on subtle energies around us to the point of psychicism at times.
Our sensitivity heightens our perception and reaction to injustice, violence or abuse of any kind and generally and we are warm, caring and selfless as our predisposition could not allow us to be anything other.

This degree of sensitivity can effect us in many ways, not least of which our mental health.
The media constantly bombards society with high impact imagery in the form of soundbite adverts, movies, music and other information. Many people seem completely unaffected by this and in many cases seek it out and avidly share viewpoints on the gorier details of programmes or the news etc.
The promotion of the individual and the gathering of material wealth runs through the whole of western society, even seemingly at the expense of others in terms of one upmanship.
The reporting and treatment of others portrayed as outside our remit of concern ( that is those whom are of a different ethnicity / culture / country or social class) can be biased and punitive.
With many of our peers, friends and colleagues being of a not dissimilar mindset, this can leave us feeling isolated and unsupported.

Therefore it is no surprise that many of us succumb to mental health difficulties. In fact it would probably be more surprising if we didn’t!
Personally I suspect many people in todays society feel similar but possibly to a lesser degree.

Being empathic, for me is a spiritual gift. Whereas seemingly with the majority of the populace, spirituality plays little or no part.

” Modern society came into existence during the industrial revolution, when large portions of the population were driven from small towns into big cities in search of work and opportunity – instigating the birth of a mass society. While the development of a mass society generated benefits through the intensification of the division of labor, it also brought perilous problems. “This new form of existence…produced an individual who was unstable, insecure, and suggestible.” (Carl Jung, The Fight With the Shadow)

Perhaps the way the western world has subsequently developed is an artificial antidote to a factitious malady.
Maybe empathic / sensitive individuals have somehow remained unaffected by societys current burgeoning ideologies hence wishing for a simpler, more heartfelt existence.

The Invisible Illnesses

Although mental illness has often been described as one of those ‘invisible illnesses’, it can be equally and even more afflicting than the more visible physical ones.

Many of us afflicted are found in all walks of society e.g. politicians, servicemen, doctors, shopkeepers and window cleaners to name a few.
We may have anxiety / depression / PTSD / psychosis or some disorder of personality but most of the time, upon a quick appraisal, we would seem no different to anyone else.
There is no physical test for such malaise, only the subjective assessment by a ‘suitably qualified other’. We can often feel invalidated or ‘weak’ in some way.

However the truth is far from that.
It takes an amazing amount of strength, tenacity and courage to carry on a day to day existence under the burden of such a diagnosis.
We can wake up every morning not knowing how we are going to feel throughout the daylight hours. We often cannot predict how we will cope and this can fill us with feelings of dread.
We often carry on caring for others, going to work and socialising despite the fact that every moment can feel torturous as we seek to maintain an outward facade of ‘normality’.
We frequently do this to support our loved one’s and peers, when deep inside we only really want to curl up under our duvet and await a better day.
We can often only hold ourselves together with a combination of medication, alcohol and drugs which can act as a transient form of putty to temporarily fill the gaps in our aim to present as a functional human being.

So although we probably won’t accept it or find it difficult to believe, we are deserving of acknowledgement if only amongst ourselves.
So I raise a toast to all those out there with those hidden illnesses.
We are truly remarkable people, unfortunately this too can remain unseen.

When Opposites Attract……….

During my youth I veritably skipped and danced through life. Full of optimism, convinced of my immortality, naive in the belief that whatever the world threw at me I had the energy and resources to overcome.
My relationships with the opposite sex were mostly brief, friendly and lovingly amicable as I tested the waters of adulthood. I was blissfully unaware of how complicated and detrimental however these could become.
I was also not aware of my empathic inclination. I assumed that everyone experienced the world as I did. That the almost painfully exquisite depths of my emotions and senses were shared by all.
Which is why I when we first met I took our mutual attraction at face value.
On reflection, it was a completely unconscious connection on both our parts. I had what seemed to be an inexhaustible supply of love and compassion, almost too much for my heart and soul to comfortably contain. I had a natural urge to lavish these feelings on those that were close to me.
I mistook your comparable intensity of emotions for me as love.
Despite my then belief, that the powerful, almost uncontrollable magnetic attraction between us was a sign of a truly symbiotic union. Ironically the opposite was true.

My depths of love was met with your paucity.
My compassion was met with self indulgence.
My emotional energy was met with a veritable vacuum which you needed me to fill.
My unconditionality was met with control.
That was the attraction.
I had so much to give and your need was endless .
Perversely, without knowing, your need provided an outlet for me to indulge and express my natural urge to divest my deep feelings. You were were an infinite canvas on which I could paint every faint tint or luxurious tone of my emotional self.
But all our resources are finite despite our assumptions.
Following the inevitable demise of our time together, I now understand our attraction.
Essentially I was the rescuer and you had the most need to be rescued. You needed rescuing from yourself, from the soul destroying ache of being alone and feeling unloved.
You had sought all your life to silence the pain left in you as a child but you could only ever manage temporary relief.
I fear the spectre of that loss of part of your life will haunt your life forever.
But I realise now that my sacrifices could never have been enough. If I had remained, I would have been guilty of my own emotional manslaughter.

An Anomalous Life…..

Ever since I can remember I have had anomalous experiences. These along with many other synchroniticous events have always hinted to me about the presence of something ‘other’ than what is ordinarily percieved in ordinary day to day life.
I have long since stopped sharing these episodes with others as it would appear that they are not common to many people. That is most individuals believe that I am either joking or are simply more unhinged than I appear already!!

This empathic trait of mine seems to allow me to access to the sensing of other energetic phenomena not common to others. A few examples follow, please indulge me as I would appreciate your thoughts –
– as a child I have a distinct recollection of conversing with a kind of Lilliputian group of people who lived in my house. They also had a german shepherd dog.
– Seeing fleeting glimpses of seemingly spirit like persons drifting across my bedroom
– have lived in many ‘haunted’ houses where soap has flown off window sills, doorbells rang where there were none, seeing part or whole human figures who passed through solid objects, shaking beds and creaking floorboards with no physical explanation to state just a few
– hearing ‘voices’ / partial conversations when no one was around
– feelings of being watched whilst visiting some ancient sites and having had later looked at the photo’s observed small, gremlin type faces in the undergrowth.

I have come to accept these things as ‘normal’ now and I simply smile wryly to myself at any further incidents, usually speaking aloud to whatever causative factor I percieve it to be.
It sometimes feels that I am in some way a catalyst to these events and are integral to them.

There are also varieties on this theme too whereby synchronitic occurrences take place or simply just odd situations occurring.
I once had a kundalini type experience whilst I was walking through a local park on a beautiful, sunny Autumn day. It was quite unnerving and on the way home I took time to peer into a nearby river. There for the first time I saw an eel swimming in the clear water. Following a bit of evening research I discoverd kundalini was described as a snake found at the base of the spine. Also that the symbol ouroboros related to some aspects of my life at that time.

It seems that the Universe may have many messages for us but we need to be open to them and be able to somewhat objective in their analysis in how they may relate to us.

” Synchronicity is an ever present reality for those who have the eyes to see”.
Carl Jung.

I would also add so are anomalous experiences 😊

On Growth, Transience and Love

( NB I wrote this awhile back when I was going through what I liken to a spiritual growth ‘spurt’. Fortunately I was able to make some changes but there is still more to come!) 😊❤️

As I meander through life some days, like this morning, my mind seems set on reflection.
There was a time when I believed in the permanence of things. That is, people, objects, beliefs and such like. But as I have grown older I have come to believe that all is indeed transient.
What served me in the past no longer does so. From career to relationships, many of those activities that I was happily involved in have now mainly become burdens which seek to follow me despite my wishes to start projects afresh.

I have no desire for personal wealth or possessions.
No inclination to pay lip service to individuals whose only interaction is based on purely reinforcement of the ego.
Neither do I feel that I have time to waste within my precious time on this Earth fitting into society’s expectations of whom or what sort of person I should be.

Looking out from my window I see a vista that is very familiar to me. However I am aware there are also exquisite, minute changes happening every second that I observe. The tinted golden leaves and heavy branches moving majestically in the stiffening chill Autumn breeze.
For all of life is in flux, there are no solid consistent particles that build the world around us. That is the optical delusion caused by our coarse senses and proffered by the society within which I was born.

As to the future?
To spend the remainder of my life in love and intimacy.
Investing time with those precious individuals to whom life is also sacred. Those who are aware of the innate divinity of the world and universe around us. Those human souls who are still strong and wise enough to wear their hearts on their sleeves.
To further develop an intimacy and love of Nature.
In watching the ethereal and eternal sunrises and sunsets.
In sensual awareness of the subtle change of seasons. Amongst the flora and fauna of this exquisite tapestry of life with which I am greeted in every moment.
Being where the the stormy, tumultuous, steely waves meet the rocky shore. To have one’s breath whisked away by the high gusts of winds blasting over me. Showered in sea spray bringing with it that salty, musty aroma that only the ocean can muster.

And for me to become truly whom I was meant to be. It may be that crazy eyed, dishevelled eccentric guy who sits quietly outside cafe’s busily writing down his thoughts.
It may be the man in simple clothes who sits atop of hills or in valleys simply watching, silently. Or the one whom sits in his study, surrounded by a multitude of books and articles. Spending his days browsing through the volumes content with his space, along with the somehow comforting smell that accompanies grey and discoloured pages of the old manuscripts.

Sanctum of Gaia

Sanctum of Gaia

The grey granite men of old stand silently sentient in the morning Autumnal must. For thousands of years they have witnessed generations of villagers go about their daily business, quietly watching, none judgemental and somehow protective.
As if the stone circles themselves had created an invisible cloak of protection over the hamlet, maybe honouring the ancestors of the dark and distant past who brought them to this place.

Still invested with magic from the primeval rituals of long, long ago. Their individual energies remain placid and latent.
However when sensed as part of the landscape along with their monolithic kin, the high banks surrounding them, the nearby Silbury Hill and the barrow graves of the Neolithic dead, the culmination of power is dizzying in its intensity.
The whole area is imbued with the divinity of the Earth herself. The stones themselves standing in stubborn testimony to their eternal reverence to Nature and her cycles.

Each single megalith upon closer scrutiny can be seen to have their own separate characteristics.
Their are tall, slimmer boulders as well as lozenge shaped squat ones.
The surface of some of the weathered, lychen encrusted stone facades seem to almost have idiosyncratic facial features. Small holes and the cracked rough surfaces combine to give the impression of gnarled grimaces and austere stares to those who care to see. It’s as if the stones themselves have taken on the guises of past villagers, immortalising them forever in this very place of their birth.

The purpose and meaning of the site has been subject to much scientific and at archeological investigation. However it will probably never be proven as the original builders were of a completely different mindset and culture. These structures were not from a post enlightenment analytical perspective but from more sensory primal era.
A time when Nature was invested with ethereal power, when man was at one with the wider world and his senses attuned accordingly to his environs. Through their vision only can this sanctum of Gaia be comprehended and fully understood.