Thou Art That..

Although to others I appear as simply yet another human being amongst millions of other human beings. The expectation from them is that I too operate and act from a similar perspective. In that I will to some extent seek personal, ego related goals. That I will endeavour to make myself secure by the acquisition of material wealth. That I will have similar external interests involving media driven activities of which I am assumed to have a shared predilection. 

This is the hard part, as I by and large do not. 

Living within a society that lives out and expects individuals to adhere to an anthropocentric ideology  is, for me, completely unnatural. 

My empathic spiritual journey has now led to perceptual changes in the way that I experience the world around me. 

I am as one with the Earth. 

My human body forms the flimsiest demarcation of my soul, for my soul too is at one with the Universe. 

Out in the forest the feeling is intensified. 

In the wilderness, the air in my lungs once expelled becomes one with the wind. The breeze then wraps itself around my human form, caressing my hair and skin. Evaporating the thin sheen of sweat on my brow, which had once been part of one of the great oceans. Although the presence of blood, bone and sinew are to be found within me, they too are only borrowed. One day, upon my passing, I will again return to the Earth from whence I came and from which I have never truly been separated. 

Even in my humanity I can sense the other. 

The autonomic consciousness of the bee as it almost preturnaturally carries out its duties to ensure the survival of his hive. 

The feral mind of the fox, raw and unencumbered by a superego seeks to satiate his hunger. 

The various parts of the dense undergrowth, clearings and landscape that give rise to their own genius loci. That speak subtly of sublime nature spirits, evocations, spiritual communion and desperate entreaties to the ‘other’ world. For in these places the veil between the worlds is barely perceptible. One can easily visit other dimensions and planes of existence simply by being present. 

I have no wish to return to my previous experience of life as a simple, egoic human. Indeed I feel that I could not if I wished to. 

So if you see me around, please feel free to say hello as I have much to discuss and desire to hear of your thoughts. You will recognise me by my eyes, they have all the elements of the Earth therein. 

The Story Thus Far…………….

My previous post was about an epiphany I had a few weeks ago now. I have had requests to elucidate what exactly I experienced, so here goes.
I generally sense that we all grow develop in different ways in terms of spirituality, that is to say that there is no generic right path. However if we are authentic in our approach to life we have the capacity to individuate and thus are more able to fulfill our own potential.
There have been many subjects and experiences historically that have resonated with me although at the time I was not sure as to why. A kind of intuitive nudge I suspect.
These in short have been :
– sense of oneness with Nature
– Neolithic and pre Neolithic history
– ancient sites
– quantum physics
– Taoism
– Buddhism
– aspects of Paganism ( pantheism and pantheism)
– animism
– the works of Carl Jung
– deep ecology
– Hinduism
These are to mention just a few. I have also experienced instances of Advaita and to some extent Kundalini.
I also am very empathic by nature and can sense feelings and energies in people, animals and places.
However until now I had been unable to unite them into a coherent understanding of my own individual vision of the world.
My current suspicions are as follows :
– in primitive early man there was a strong empathic connection with our planet and its flora and fauna
– in sensitive and empathic individuals today this is also the case. Part of our mind is not ours but is found outside in the object. That is to say that intuitively we feel the unity with existence, that we are part and parcel of the the world around us. Thus due to this kind of unconscious link we are able to feel the energies of others and places around us. We recognize that we potentially share the same soul
– this would explain why many spiritually empathic types feel that do not belong to this world as it is currently. Due to Western Societys propensity to subjugate Nature in many of her forms, to live among the general populations casual acceptance of this is uncomfortable to say the least
– some Animistic belief systems ( e. g. American Indian cultures) recognise the Divinity in Nature and treat the world around them accordingly. This tradition and its maintenance would continue to maintain that natural empathic link.

For many people in Western Cultures these feelings are now lost or irretrievable due to the generic dualistic and Cartesian mindset. Hence many people are concerned about the environmental impact it is having upon our planet.
I hope that I have explained myself coherently as it’s rather a tricky topic to write about, mainly because the essence of it all is not about thinking but feeling.
I’m now going to have a read of the Chandogya Upanishad.

Tat Tvam Asi

The Ghost in the Machine ( a paradoxical reflection)

” Listen – are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life? ” – Mary Oliver. 
So, what happened? 

I understand the premise that the whole is more than the sum of parts however it gives little in the way of logical explanation. 

So a coal miner marries a factory worker who begat a son. Neither parent ( or any other relative) ever had an interest in the esoteric or spiritual. They were both very grounded in their day to day human existence. Conversation generally touched on the unremarkable topics of football, work, family members and associates. Therefore in terms of hereditary and environmental conditioning I should not be whom I am. 

Also it appears that the majority of society live similar lives to that of my parents. 

I seemingly cannot. 

I am consumed by an inner restlessness, a thirst for knowledge and understanding of the world about me. An eternal journey of inner and outer discovery, of questioning everything that I happen upon. 

Despite society’s pressure to live within recognised and largely acceptable themes, I cannot. 

Many of my feelings and ideas used to remain locked away in my head and my heart for the fear of rejection and ridicule of others. Some such were:

  – my ability to read people, their histories, their hearts desire and their hidden agendas

  – the barely tangible energies of places and people, linking past and future existences 

  – the experience of none duality, in the light of which the physical world dissolves into a dreamlike state

  – the daily synchronicities, of eels and Ouroboros, of Nataraja and quantum reality. 

 

So here I stand, watching the world go by in a neverending stream of apparently meaningless activity. Very few seemingly stopping to question what they are doing or why. Most comfortably coccooned in their experience of mortal existence, of living within the confines a predetermined, linear and purely reactive life. 

So, back to my original question. 

What happened? 

Am I cursed? Gifted? Possessed? Individuating? 

A man’s knowledge is always going to be finite in the grand scheme of things, sometimes one has to accept that there are no simple answers. 

Personally I go with gifted and individuating . 

The immense depth and painful beauty of my experience of the world though at times a little overwhelming, is something that I cherish and would never relinquish. 
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It’s Not You, It’s Me……….?

Society largely considers what is normal by the agreed consensus of the majority. If I was in complete agreement with this then most of my communication in the outside world would consist of the phrase under which this is written. 

Indeed being empathic ( energetically sensitive) I feel that many of us find growing up and maturing in the outside world something of a unique challenge. 

At an early age we may discover that we are different from our peers and often our parents. 

The constant emphasis when at school and by others on the physical, percievable, allegedly concrete world felt as if most people only lived in a 2D reality. Their world seemed to have little depth, a linear monologue of an existence. 

My awareness of my sensitivity and my spiritual path are inextricably entwined. Indeed being energetically sensitive has helped create a somewhat unique spirituality in me that is reflected in many aspects of other belief systems ( that is Buddhism, Hinduism, Pantheism and Taoism to name a few). 

Through many conversations that I have had with others with similar experiences it seems we have much in common when it comes to living our lives and the challenges we face. For example, having been born into a society which operates on a model that is the antithesis of what we feel to be right.  This can lead to :

  – subsequent feelings of loneliness and alienation which may lead to social withdrawal, addictive behaviors ( in order to numb our sensitivity) or wearing a socially acceptable mask in order to fit in. 

If we do this however we compromise our ability to individuate and fully bloom into complete self actualization.  This may leave us feeling unfulfilled and frustrated. 

  – having to constantly assert our needs to others as most people presume that our needs must be similar to theirs ( in terms of space, down time, opportunity to be creative etc) 

  – finding oneself in constant conflict with others and institutions that prioritize materialism and egotism

  – having the desire for honest, open, loving human contact but mostly having to compromise due to the apparent lack of individuals who are unable to form relationships that do not involve some degree of attachment and / or dependence. 

 

Despite the difficulties encountered on my path and the many years spent in a spiritual wilderness, it has all been worth it. For every challenge I have faced has shaped me and furthered my understanding of the world in which we live. 

The ability to experience the external and internal worlds in such a searing depth and excruciating beauty has led to a true appreciation of lifes pulchritude. 

Any solace that I have needed has come largely from my inner self and has not been found in relationships within my social circle. For those that have found some with others, you are truly fortunate. 

So if over the years, you yourself have been your main source of solace, rest assured. 

To have retained your authenticity and to still be here is testament to your inner strength and tenacity.

An Infinite Journey…….?

​An Infinite Journey…………? 
It’s funny how life turns out sometimes. 

If someone had said to me many years ago that I had empathic tendencies and these tendencies would greatly effect my life and who I would become, I probably would not have believed them.  I understood however that I was different. I couldn’t understand why people behaved in certain ways or why they made the choices that they did. 

There was literally no one that I could relate to on a personal level. Not that it made me unhappy, I just decided to go my own merry little way. 

So after many years, many mistakes, wrong turnings and uninformed choices later, all has become somewhat clearer.

I am drawn to heal. 

Be it people, animals or places. People with unresolved issues or are in some emotional pain always manage to catch my eye. They may be individuals who I have never met before but who seem to communicate their distress with the briefest of eye contact. Or others who, either consciously or unconsciously seek my acquaintance in order to enlist me at a later stage in our relationship. 

Before I was aware of my ‘ sensitivity’, I would simply automatically do the necessary ‘ rescuing’, much to my regret. For many who seemed to need rescuing were not looking to be so. They simply needed me to fill a gaping emotional hole in themselves. I was simply a tourniquet to be used to dampen their pain and chronic sense of loss. 

Also houses and certain places also drew me to them. Or more accurately, I was drawn to them. When I look back now to many places I have lived, it seems obvious that had a rather ‘ haunted’ feel. 

Also here there seemed to be unresolved business but not of this time. 

There were feelings of darkness, poltergeist activity, entities continually reliving past actions and visions of people and actions past. 

It’s only over recent years that I have come to understand the link. 

I find that for me there is no implicit definition of my abilities. I have a sprinkling of other ‘clairs’  too of varying degrees. 

Despite all the difficulties I have experienced because of my sensitivities, I am truly grateful for their presence as they have me to develop personally and spiritually in a way I could not have imagined all those years ago. 

However that only seems to be part of the journey. Still now I find that I discover other tendencies that I have or somehow developed. 

I pick up on other people’s emotions and frequently they are amplified within my self. If they are miserable, I’ll feel devastated. If someone is angry, I will feel furious. 

For instance, I was having a quiet beer in my local bar doing a little people watching. In walked two well built, muscular men who had had a little too much alcohol. I could tell instantly that they were looking for some target to rough up a little. Their gaze fell on me. For some reason I felt their anger ( I was unsure as to why they were so, it turned out they were soldiers back from a tour of duty). 

It felt as if I somehow channelled their anger, increased it and ( very out of character for me) held their eye contact in an intense and challenging manner. 

They then turned their attention elsewhere. 

This was done completely automatically without a conscious thought from myself. 

Also there appear to be occasional glimpses into other realms or sometimes a mix of realities occurs. Usually I will be somewhere and get a strong feeling or a picture in my head of how things looked in the past. Of people and activities long gone. Things that I thought to have been illusions I feel have reflected other realities. 

I prefer the phrase ‘ energetically sensitive’ to describe my human traits. After all quantum physics has proven that all is energy and there is no real ‘ hard’ reality in terms of form. 

Ancient cultures have also identified this to be true in varying guises i.e.  Buddhism, Hinduism and Taoism for instance. 

So let the journey of life continue for who knows, in a world of infinite possibilities what lies around the corner.

An Enchanted Life

A life for an energetically sensitive individual is unique. Once we come to understand ourselves and the world around us, it can imbue in us a natural spirituality. A spirituality that requires no adherence to any particular path.

Of course some of us will lean more to some religious / spiritual path depending on our upbringing, our life experience or because of a simple heartfelt resonance with a particular ethos. 

I myself find resonance with aspects of Taoism, Pantheism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Wicca and Shamanism. 

Psychologically and philosophically I resonate with Carl Jung, Neitsche, Schopenhauer, Fritjof Capra and quantum physics. 
Having a degree of energetic sensitivity can, quite simply give us the ability to see and feel the magic in life. To be able to sense certain things that are largely outside the perception of many others.

  – Standing on the cliffs above the storm racked ocean, watching the relentless waves crashing on the rocks as they have done for eternity. The wind whisking away my breath as it blows fiercely around me. Although I am only a small part of all that is, I feel as if I have been and always will be united at my core to Nature. I am partly of the sea and the sea is inextricably part of me, as is all of existence. 

  – The Sun setting over the horizon, the sky emblazoned with iridescent hues of gold, amber and vermillion. Casting scarlet shadows over the landscape as the remains of the day are seemingly burnt away in one last funereal fire. 

  – The secret, hidden groves within the forests and the woods. Where the trees seem to have always stood sentinel, guarding the covert magic of Gaia. Those places that I know intuitively were home to earth spirits before the birth of Man. I can sense the almost invisible specks of light as they would dance around amongst the trees and foliage gleefully carrying out their individual tasks for Mother Nature. 

  – The chance meeting with someone whom I have always felt a indefinable but irresistible attraction to. Their very presence altering my energy levels, feelings of an almost dizzying excitement and heightened awareness wash over me unbidden. 

I am aware of their every movement and every slight intonation in their soft voice. I can see that they are speaking but I hear no words. 

We sit, responding in a perfectly effortless, synchronatic, almost unconscious manner. It’s as if a warm, invisible but impenetrable cloak of love surrounds us.

When our eyes meet briefly or our fingers brush tentatively against each others, my heart seems to stop and I miss a breath. It is as if I am standing above a yawning cavern of love into which I feel I must plunge and we may be as one forever. 
These moments I cherish as they have given a depth to my life I would never have known in such a beautifully graphic intensity.

Being an Empath, a Blessing and a Curse…..

Just for clarification, I only really write from my own experience as this is as close to any kind of reality I can describe. Everyone has a unique way of viewing the world, therefore my hope is that some of my experiences and thoughts resonate with others and possibly help them at some stage with negotiating their way along life’s often precarious and confusing path. 
I have been reflecting on my life prior to having discovered that I had empathic tendencies and have realised just how much chaos and confusion was as a result of my lack of understanding. I see many posts describing individuals situations to which I can all to easily relate. 
I dated a lady who was extremely emotionally unstable, she was quick to become overwhelmed with devastating negative feelings which all to easily transferred to me. I felt her despair, her nihilism, her ambivalence to life and death. In that ambivalence she had made herself free to act and not be concerned about the consequences. She was often in emotional and behavioral freefall, chaotically going from one disastrous and self damaging situation to another. Those feelings at that time I had felt to be mine also. I therefore acted in a similar manner, it was as if I was committing acts of deliberate self harm to myself and my life. Thankfully much time has passed but when I look back I feel that being empathic allowed me to experience these emotions in a way that has helped me understand others in a way that is unique. I truly do know what emotions and feelings certain people are experiencing and this has helped myself to assist others through difficult times in their life. 
Previous to becoming aware of my empathic side I also have felt great sorrow, great fury, great peace and great love to name a few emotions. At that time, as I had attributed those emotions to myself I fully experienced them, I lived them and was consumed by them. So although historically my life has been a complete emotionally supercharged mess, I have seemingly come out the other side with a wealth of compassion and understanding that otherwise I would not have had. 
For me the key to being more conscious of my empathic involvement with others has been meditation. Meditation has allowed me to simply observe my thoughts and emotions dispassionately making the much easier to monitor and control. Also through meditation, spiritual insights have occurred which have shown me that I am not an independently existing entity but that I am part of the vastness of the universe, a wave in the ocean of life and matter. Through these insights the ego diminishes and can be lost. This knowledge has turned being an empath from being a curse to a blessing. I have realised that my life isn’t necessarily about me, it’s about what I can to others in the hope of promoting love, compassion and understanding. However if we interpret our empathic / sensitive experiences on from an egoic and an “I” centered belief system, that is when it can be a curse.

Thanks for the Winks

It’s funny how life unfolds and how potential secrets become revealed. I can only ever estimate what my current beliefs and understanding of life have in relation to 

supposed ‘reality’. I suspect that fundamentally reality is different for each individual in a way described by Deepak Chopra in his book Life After Death. In that our perception of what seems to be happening outside of us is often conditioned by our experiences and beliefs. 
I have had a potential couple of insights this evening which kind of resonate with me but in a manner that I did not expect. 

Whenever I write, I seem to write in response to a need ‘somewhere’, it seems it is part of me but also not me if that makes any sense. I feel sometimes I write in response to a universally shared human soul. It almost feels ‘channelled’, as often I am really not sure where the motivation and the words come from. 
Secondly, I have often wondered why whenever I talk to people who seem to have an understanding of being empathic or being spiritual that it turns out that they actually have a very limited awareness of the depth of the issues. 

I have thought about the reason why I decided to open up to these individuals and I recall receiving an virtually imperceptible spiritual ‘wink’. It’s really difficult to describe but it is like an empathic energy exchange, usually by eye contact. They seem to have a warm, open hearted energy twinkling in their eyes. I have come to thinking that perhaps these are souls on a similar path but at a different stage of growth. It’s almost as if the universe has somehow ‘winked’ at me and said ‘you are not alone’ but the person involved seems to not really aware of the connection. I get many ‘winks’ from others in empath and spiritual groups, there are some friends from groups on the Internet I have made but never spoken to, whom I know are spiritually and energetically empathise with. They are the ones I can feel love, compassion and strength in their posts. 

I never pretend to have a monopoly on truth, I am simply a human having human experiences but it is good to share our perceptions as they can often help others along their path. Especially when as our path is often difficult and it is all to easy to fall to the wayside.

Stranger in a Strange Land

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On reflection, there has not been a day in my life when I have felt that I truly belong in my current existence. I have strong empathic traits ( so much so that when I have been emotionally close to someone I have developed their physiological anomalies, for example my spine developed a slight curvature) and a strong sense of spirituality. These may be part of the reason as to why I feel this way. 

As I grew up I did all the usual ‘growing up as a human’ type things, from an hedonistic youth to marriage and a family as well as a career. 

Despite this I have always felt living a human life was rather an effort, that my life was somehow a kind of ‘job’ I had to do. 

This has historically led to feelings of being lost and directionless in life, as if I had somehow been installed into my body and marooned on Earth. 
Today as I sit on my porch drinking coffee and smoking the occasional cigarette, I find myself again reflecting on my past, present and future. Everyone seems to be committed to their human life, seemingly comfortable with their existence as they ( to me) carry on apparently unconsciously in their day to day activities dictated by previously laid out neural pathways. I admit at times I am quite jealous as I seem 

unable to succumb to what appears to be a blind acceptance of their lives and fate. 

Even my body annoys me! I think it is because being empathic I sense the subtle energies in the world that can communicate on a gentle, sensual level of spirit whereas my physical senses seem clumsy limiting by comparison. I feel very much like a spiritual energy trapped in human form. 
However I do not feel at all sorry for myself. In the end I believe I have been given the gift of a degree of consciousness which has led to spiritual and emotional growth. I have accepted that I am different and embrace it, the good and the bad. 

The message is to anyone out there who feels they do not belong or feel isolated due to being seemingly different in some way, try to embrace your uniqueness, remain as authentic as you can be. I sense the world may need us to be the ones with clear vision, of balance, to be a neutralising agent against humanity’s frequent emotional pathology, if there is to be any peace and compassion now or in the future, we may well be an important part in ensuring that. 

,

An Open Book?

An Open Book?

Before I realised I had empathic tendencies I often used to get confused and disorientated by the sheer swathes of emotions and feelings that used impose themselves on me from all quarters. Especially as I work with people suffering from mental health problems some of the mindsets I have found myself sharing has on occasions been harrowing.
Now that I am more grounded and insightful my empathy can really prove useful when working with individuals.
I mostly try not to pay to much attention to my intuitions on a day to day basis as it interferes quite badly with ‘normal ‘communication for me.
However I have at times used it to help me understand others and their motives.
I have met many people both in and out of work who I can sense their psychological position , their subjective interpretation of reality. No two people are the same.
For instance, a relative of mine has sociopathic tendencies. He felt very cold and empty emotionally, a feeling of not being to display or understand love as he had seemingly never encountered it. His only goal was to control his world in order to reduce any threat to his unstable ego.
An anxious / depressed individual who feels they are lost at sea, who believes they are at the mercy of an unpredictable world which may overwhelm them at any moment. Wanting only a sanctuary of psychological peace where they no longer feel vulnerable.
The fear of someone with paranoia, of not being able to effectively perceive threats, of what is real or imagined. Of not feeling able to share those feelings as it may only go to further alienate others from someone who already feels alienated from the world.
Every person tells a story – mostly people seem to be a sum of their experiences but in that, they are in still in a ‘process’. A process of becoming, depending on subsequent experiences will ultimately decide an individuals fate in relation to their growth and ability to ‘move on’.