The Story Thus Far…………….

My previous post was about an epiphany I had a few weeks ago now. I have had requests to elucidate what exactly I experienced, so here goes.
I generally sense that we all grow develop in different ways in terms of spirituality, that is to say that there is no generic right path. However if we are authentic in our approach to life we have the capacity to individuate and thus are more able to fulfill our own potential.
There have been many subjects and experiences historically that have resonated with me although at the time I was not sure as to why. A kind of intuitive nudge I suspect.
These in short have been :
– sense of oneness with Nature
– Neolithic and pre Neolithic history
– ancient sites
– quantum physics
– Taoism
– Buddhism
– aspects of Paganism ( pantheism and pantheism)
– animism
– the works of Carl Jung
– deep ecology
– Hinduism
These are to mention just a few. I have also experienced instances of Advaita and to some extent Kundalini.
I also am very empathic by nature and can sense feelings and energies in people, animals and places.
However until now I had been unable to unite them into a coherent understanding of my own individual vision of the world.
My current suspicions are as follows :
– in primitive early man there was a strong empathic connection with our planet and its flora and fauna
– in sensitive and empathic individuals today this is also the case. Part of our mind is not ours but is found outside in the object. That is to say that intuitively we feel the unity with existence, that we are part and parcel of the the world around us. Thus due to this kind of unconscious link we are able to feel the energies of others and places around us. We recognize that we potentially share the same soul
– this would explain why many spiritually empathic types feel that do not belong to this world as it is currently. Due to Western Societys propensity to subjugate Nature in many of her forms, to live among the general populations casual acceptance of this is uncomfortable to say the least
– some Animistic belief systems ( e. g. American Indian cultures) recognise the Divinity in Nature and treat the world around them accordingly. This tradition and its maintenance would continue to maintain that natural empathic link.

For many people in Western Cultures these feelings are now lost or irretrievable due to the generic dualistic and Cartesian mindset. Hence many people are concerned about the environmental impact it is having upon our planet.
I hope that I have explained myself coherently as it’s rather a tricky topic to write about, mainly because the essence of it all is not about thinking but feeling.
I’m now going to have a read of the Chandogya Upanishad.

Tat Tvam Asi

The Ghost in the Machine ( a paradoxical reflection)

” Listen – are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life? ” – Mary Oliver. 
So, what happened? 

I understand the premise that the whole is more than the sum of parts however it gives little in the way of logical explanation. 

So a coal miner marries a factory worker who begat a son. Neither parent ( or any other relative) ever had an interest in the esoteric or spiritual. They were both very grounded in their day to day human existence. Conversation generally touched on the unremarkable topics of football, work, family members and associates. Therefore in terms of hereditary and environmental conditioning I should not be whom I am. 

Also it appears that the majority of society live similar lives to that of my parents. 

I seemingly cannot. 

I am consumed by an inner restlessness, a thirst for knowledge and understanding of the world about me. An eternal journey of inner and outer discovery, of questioning everything that I happen upon. 

Despite society’s pressure to live within recognised and largely acceptable themes, I cannot. 

Many of my feelings and ideas used to remain locked away in my head and my heart for the fear of rejection and ridicule of others. Some such were:

  – my ability to read people, their histories, their hearts desire and their hidden agendas

  – the barely tangible energies of places and people, linking past and future existences 

  – the experience of none duality, in the light of which the physical world dissolves into a dreamlike state

  – the daily synchronicities, of eels and Ouroboros, of Nataraja and quantum reality. 

 

So here I stand, watching the world go by in a neverending stream of apparently meaningless activity. Very few seemingly stopping to question what they are doing or why. Most comfortably coccooned in their experience of mortal existence, of living within the confines a predetermined, linear and purely reactive life. 

So, back to my original question. 

What happened? 

Am I cursed? Gifted? Possessed? Individuating? 

A man’s knowledge is always going to be finite in the grand scheme of things, sometimes one has to accept that there are no simple answers. 

Personally I go with gifted and individuating . 

The immense depth and painful beauty of my experience of the world though at times a little overwhelming, is something that I cherish and would never relinquish. 
  – 

  –

Where Worlds Meet

Where Worlds Meet 
Throughout the world there are many places where the meeting of the past, present, future and possibly other dimensions are felt more intensely. These are frequently sites of ancient origin which because of their numinosity are still reverred in some capacity to this day.

In the UK these consist of innumerable stone circles, henges, barrows, hillforts, ancient settlements, holy wells and many others too numerous to mention. 
Being somewhat energetically sensitive I am drawn to these places as they offer an extremely subtle yet tentative connection to other realms and times.

Many theories have been offered as to why these sites are perceived as ‘ special ‘. From leylines to having alignments to the Moon, Sun, stars or other features in the landscape. 

My personal viewpoint is that we, as modern humans with our largely Cartesian / rationalist culture find it nigh near impossible to empathise with our ancestors interpretation of their world. 

But if we are able to become more meditative and ‘ open ‘ then I believe glimpses can be felt or seen from an energetic perspective. 
The flint built walls of the ruined church stand starkly within the henge. Originally sited here to portray the imposition of the new religion upon the ancient beliefs of the indigenous populace. But the henge within which it was constructed had witnessed and was imbued with thousands of years of pagan supplication.
Sitting on a large cold, granite stone just below the medieval church’s tower I observed the dusk descend around me. The last deep amber rays of sunlight cast long shadows across the open landscape of fields, hedges and copses. A slight, ethereal mist hovered precariously over the grassland and the soft banks of the henge and barrow. As if to suggest the gentle rising of past spirits into the silence and security of the evening. Unseen and uninterrupted, they were again free to roam their home land as they once did. 

I could hear the distant hoofbeats of arriving horsemen from an ancient past.

I could hear the long gone church bells toll their last before Nature silenced them for eternity. 
It was as if time had stood still. 

Miniscule stars appeared overhead piercing the blackening velvet of the night sky. 

An overwhelming sense of stillness enveloped the area in and around the henge. 

The intensity of the silence penetrated my core. 

Every animal in the vicinity had seemingly held its breath as if in anticipation. 
My usual human senses no longer individually provided separate feedback from the outside world. 

My physical self had become as one with the world around me, no boundary remained.

There was no longer a separate ‘ I ‘. 

In that singular awareness of non duality, the entire unity of the universe and all therein was laid out in an infinite vision of interconnectedness. 
The deceitful human experience of time was lain to rest with the realisation that all that ever was, is or will be,were there and forever present. The grey veils that had divided the past from the future were simply an illusion.

This place is an organic sancta of Gaia. 

A site of reverence and revelation. Enabling her to impart esoteric knowledge in a way that is timeless and inaccessible from any other source.

Metaphors Rising………….

My whole being is but a small part of the neurological make up of all existence. 

I am but an organic synaptic receiver and transmitter of information.

Paradoxically there is nothing more nor anything less than what I am.

Multiple metaphors rising in my mind, blurring any distinction of reality. 

As above, so below.

Macrocosm, microcosm. 

Soil, rivers, mountains, trees and rain.

Flesh, blood, bone, lungs and tears.

Atoms, neutrons, protons and electrons.

Planets, moons, stars and galaxies.
Seemingly the only division between myself and the entirety of existence is my thought.

I am and am not the centre of the universe depending on my perspective at any given moment. 

I am simply an energetic event in a vast infinite ocean of seamless unified energetic activity. 

Nothing more and nothing less. 
My previous human egoic self can never recover.

For such awareness washes away the ego as a tsunami would a sandcastle. 

My perception of reality forever altered. 

I am no longer condemned to the imagined solitary existence of an imprisoned soul in a dying body.

But as with everything there comes a price.

I walk this world seemingly alone in this knowledge. 

All around me individuals and societies enact a form of reality of which I cannot honestly neither acknowledge nor partake. 

Not that I was given a choice. 

However I would rather be in this place of liberation than chained eternally to the blinkered vision of mortal men.

An Infinite Journey…….?

​An Infinite Journey…………? 
It’s funny how life turns out sometimes. 

If someone had said to me many years ago that I had empathic tendencies and these tendencies would greatly effect my life and who I would become, I probably would not have believed them.  I understood however that I was different. I couldn’t understand why people behaved in certain ways or why they made the choices that they did. 

There was literally no one that I could relate to on a personal level. Not that it made me unhappy, I just decided to go my own merry little way. 

So after many years, many mistakes, wrong turnings and uninformed choices later, all has become somewhat clearer.

I am drawn to heal. 

Be it people, animals or places. People with unresolved issues or are in some emotional pain always manage to catch my eye. They may be individuals who I have never met before but who seem to communicate their distress with the briefest of eye contact. Or others who, either consciously or unconsciously seek my acquaintance in order to enlist me at a later stage in our relationship. 

Before I was aware of my ‘ sensitivity’, I would simply automatically do the necessary ‘ rescuing’, much to my regret. For many who seemed to need rescuing were not looking to be so. They simply needed me to fill a gaping emotional hole in themselves. I was simply a tourniquet to be used to dampen their pain and chronic sense of loss. 

Also houses and certain places also drew me to them. Or more accurately, I was drawn to them. When I look back now to many places I have lived, it seems obvious that had a rather ‘ haunted’ feel. 

Also here there seemed to be unresolved business but not of this time. 

There were feelings of darkness, poltergeist activity, entities continually reliving past actions and visions of people and actions past. 

It’s only over recent years that I have come to understand the link. 

I find that for me there is no implicit definition of my abilities. I have a sprinkling of other ‘clairs’  too of varying degrees. 

Despite all the difficulties I have experienced because of my sensitivities, I am truly grateful for their presence as they have me to develop personally and spiritually in a way I could not have imagined all those years ago. 

However that only seems to be part of the journey. Still now I find that I discover other tendencies that I have or somehow developed. 

I pick up on other people’s emotions and frequently they are amplified within my self. If they are miserable, I’ll feel devastated. If someone is angry, I will feel furious. 

For instance, I was having a quiet beer in my local bar doing a little people watching. In walked two well built, muscular men who had had a little too much alcohol. I could tell instantly that they were looking for some target to rough up a little. Their gaze fell on me. For some reason I felt their anger ( I was unsure as to why they were so, it turned out they were soldiers back from a tour of duty). 

It felt as if I somehow channelled their anger, increased it and ( very out of character for me) held their eye contact in an intense and challenging manner. 

They then turned their attention elsewhere. 

This was done completely automatically without a conscious thought from myself. 

Also there appear to be occasional glimpses into other realms or sometimes a mix of realities occurs. Usually I will be somewhere and get a strong feeling or a picture in my head of how things looked in the past. Of people and activities long gone. Things that I thought to have been illusions I feel have reflected other realities. 

I prefer the phrase ‘ energetically sensitive’ to describe my human traits. After all quantum physics has proven that all is energy and there is no real ‘ hard’ reality in terms of form. 

Ancient cultures have also identified this to be true in varying guises i.e.  Buddhism, Hinduism and Taoism for instance. 

So let the journey of life continue for who knows, in a world of infinite possibilities what lies around the corner.

Belerion, Cornovia.

I feel that I have arrived at last in the land of my ancestors. 

The moors, valleys, rocky tors and the eternal voice of the ocean in the background seemed to welcome me back to where my heart and soul truly belonged. 

The landscape wholly rendiscent of a past life I had lived. A life that still seems a hairs breadth away, that is so near to the surface of my consciousness that I could so easily become overwhelmed with reverie. 

Yet I had never before set foot on this land. 

A land woven with myth, magic and majesty intrinsic and inseparable from its landscape. 

A place of groves, stone circles, fogou’s, holy wells , castles, standing stones, ancient settlements and hillforts. Many untouched by man due to the uncompromising nature of its granite hewn soil. 

Though many have sought through research and study to understand the purposes and possible relationships of the myriad of archaeological sites, it remains enigmatic. 

However therein lies the answer. 

Man had a very different interpretation of the world around us in those ancient times. 

The cold, analytical thought patterns borne of the ‘Enlightenment’ and furthered even more by science were still thousands of years away in the future. 

Man was still inextricably connected to Nature. He never saw himself as apart from the world, he was at one with the Earth, skies and stars. A natural and organic reverence for the Universe was an implicit aspect of life. 

A land so old it still reflects the archetypes and legends of primeval man.

Of Gods and Goddesses, of mermaids and piskies. 

Of giants, lost civilisations and alleged visits by the Devil himself. 

One of the keys that may lend to an understanding of this land is clairsentience. 

The feeling of being a small part a unique jigsaw. 

Of fitting in seamlessly with one’s surroundings unlike nowhere I have known before. 

The gnarled granite hills, many crowned with rudimentary fortifications. 

The overgrown aisles of black thorn and hawthorn bushes hiding away groves of healing springs. 

The dark but somehow luminescent fogous, a chamber for intimate communion with Gaia herself.

Stone circles stand testament to the passage of time, still retaining a mystical essence of primeval magic rituals. 

The roar of the ocean as its tempestuous waves throw themselves in anguish against the rocky cliffs. 

Any type of human interpretation is destined to be flawed. 

This is a place to sensuously feel the raw energy of Nature, to become immersed in it. To feel the essential oneness of all creation.

My lungs full of air drawn from the same high breeze that billows around me.

My blood, sweat and tears formed from the same crashing waves thrown upon the beach.

My bones created from the very substance of the earth. 

The fire in my heart borne from the searing sunlight bathing my presence. 

All of my human and spiritual aspects of self are reflected here in the outside world. I do not need to search for meaning or inspiration for I am home. 

Where the pains and joys of birth, life and death are a divine, ethereal journey in themselves.

Epiphany………..?

I had previously written of how I had felt that this last month had me feeling like a battle worn knight in the middle of a battlefield. Life has recently thrown many metaphorical skirmishes my way in terms of physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual challenges. 
I have felt completely drained, exhausted from defending many aspects of my internal and external worlds from those adversaries who would seek to undermine any integrity that I may have established. 
As I had previously explained, fortunately I understand that my human, egoic interpretation of my experience is only that which is incorporated and deciphered through my human psyche and senses. This stands in opposition to my seemingly deeper sense of non duality.  

Yet again that metaphor feels appropriate. 
I stand alone on the battlefield of life. 

Exhausted from the ongoing battles which I have fought. Not to gain advantage,  but simply to maintain the physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual land that I identify as self. 

Wearily I look around the landscape searching for a safe haven in which to rest. 

Smiling wryly to myself I come to realise that even after all this time, I hadn’t understood that actually there is no such thing. For as long as I am seemingly contained in human form then my mortal struggles will persist. 

In the distance I can see the ruined remains of previously perceived havens. Those of relationships and of material security, all of which were always inevitably perished due to their natural transience. 

Bringing myself back to the present moment, I assess whatever resources that remain. 

Tiredness, fatigue and weariness weigh me down. I may just have enough in me to sustain one more assault. 
Out of nowhere comes an earth shattering explosion.    I am thrown into the air landing heavily upon the ground, shards of debris pierce my skin and embed themselves into my body. 

Surely this is finally the end. There could be no way that I, or anyone could continue having undergone such an attack. 

Yet here I stand. Looking down on my physical self lying sprawled in the dust. 

It was just a game after all.

 It has taken years of struggle and heartache, to the point that my human self could withstand no more to realise that I would never really be destroyed. As a human I presumed that defined my existence. 

But now I am aware that my perception of self was flawed. 

It took my metaphorical physical destruction in order to realise that my essence is eternal. That in reality, I always have been and always will be. 

I am now freed from my human burden of perceived mortality. 

The doors of my previously finite understanding of life have been thrown open leaving me to live my life unfettered.

Our Life……………. A Factitious Autobiography?

Sitting quietly on the porch gazing upwards, I watch the gossamer like clouds flit across the sky. Constantly changing forms, merging and breaking apart from each other in a dance of perpetual motion.

I am silently and unobtrusively aware of my mindstate. Thoughts and images drift by, each vying for my attention. Each trying in its own way to remove my sense of passive subtle awareness and entangle me in some form of concrete action. 

Fortunately I am well aware of the minds ability to fill my day with distractions, I therefore simply allow myself to witness my minds internal activity. 
However, I have often noted that my senses and psyche act as a constant lens in which to incorporate and interpret my  subjective human experience.

This frequently seems to have led to my ego having created a seemingly objective storyline to my life. A storyline with which I am tempted to identify with completely. It sits far more comfortably with my mortal self than to surrender to my underlying sense and knowledge of non duality. 
As I reflect on the past month , I am presented with the following egoic, corporeal chronicle .
A battle worn knight finally taking a moment to rest from repeated and relentless skirmishes necessary to maintain a degree of equilibrium in life.

The two battlefields of home and work aligned side by side as if to prevent any respite as I go from one to the other.

Mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted I fall into an involuntary but welcome relaxed and meditative state. 
I have fought :

– Corporate deities who have sought to undermine any financial security I can muster. 

– Those who have also sought to encourage organisational priorities over human welfare. 

– Against politicians who seek to further impoverish the poor, disabled and elderly. 

– To tackle and disarm individuals who had insisted that a persons unique and personal experience as invalid. 

– To temporarily thwarted the ravages of psychosis in those who would succumb.
Then there are those more subtle, insidious adversaries who are much closer to home. The barely tangible voices whispering covertly to my soul.

Encouraging me to lie and deceive others to my own advantage. 

Suggesting that I use whatever skills I have in order to promote myself above my peer group. 

Ushering me to ‘ give up ‘ battling and resign myself to fate.

Inviting wrath, greed, lust and gluttony into my life in order for me to expend my energies in self pleasuring but inevitably self defeating activities. 
I understand unequivocally that as long as I am alive and in human form the battles will continue. 

But one day I will again reflect on my recent past to find a completely different tale has been told.

My life’s history laid down in my memory, like chapters in a book.
The key to my ongoing survival is being of the knowledge that I am truly not that which my mind suggests I am.

Of not falling into the delusion of self-hood.

An Enchanted Life

A life for an energetically sensitive individual is unique. Once we come to understand ourselves and the world around us, it can imbue in us a natural spirituality. A spirituality that requires no adherence to any particular path.

Of course some of us will lean more to some religious / spiritual path depending on our upbringing, our life experience or because of a simple heartfelt resonance with a particular ethos. 

I myself find resonance with aspects of Taoism, Pantheism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Wicca and Shamanism. 

Psychologically and philosophically I resonate with Carl Jung, Neitsche, Schopenhauer, Fritjof Capra and quantum physics. 
Having a degree of energetic sensitivity can, quite simply give us the ability to see and feel the magic in life. To be able to sense certain things that are largely outside the perception of many others.

  – Standing on the cliffs above the storm racked ocean, watching the relentless waves crashing on the rocks as they have done for eternity. The wind whisking away my breath as it blows fiercely around me. Although I am only a small part of all that is, I feel as if I have been and always will be united at my core to Nature. I am partly of the sea and the sea is inextricably part of me, as is all of existence. 

  – The Sun setting over the horizon, the sky emblazoned with iridescent hues of gold, amber and vermillion. Casting scarlet shadows over the landscape as the remains of the day are seemingly burnt away in one last funereal fire. 

  – The secret, hidden groves within the forests and the woods. Where the trees seem to have always stood sentinel, guarding the covert magic of Gaia. Those places that I know intuitively were home to earth spirits before the birth of Man. I can sense the almost invisible specks of light as they would dance around amongst the trees and foliage gleefully carrying out their individual tasks for Mother Nature. 

  – The chance meeting with someone whom I have always felt a indefinable but irresistible attraction to. Their very presence altering my energy levels, feelings of an almost dizzying excitement and heightened awareness wash over me unbidden. 

I am aware of their every movement and every slight intonation in their soft voice. I can see that they are speaking but I hear no words. 

We sit, responding in a perfectly effortless, synchronatic, almost unconscious manner. It’s as if a warm, invisible but impenetrable cloak of love surrounds us.

When our eyes meet briefly or our fingers brush tentatively against each others, my heart seems to stop and I miss a breath. It is as if I am standing above a yawning cavern of love into which I feel I must plunge and we may be as one forever. 
These moments I cherish as they have given a depth to my life I would never have known in such a beautifully graphic intensity.

Nuntius ab Gaia

The pale early morning sunlight shone through the Autumnal foliage creating an almost psychedelic kaleidoscope of colours. It was as if the the park had been decorated with garlands and intricate tapestries of gold, sepia and vermillion. 

I followed the path which led between two parallel rows of trees forming a kind of natural aisle before me.

Passing through, time seemed to slow and take on a different texture 
I walked as if in slow motion.

Each step taken along the footpath was met with a gentle fall of scarlet and amber leaves from the branches above.

The daylight around me seemed to intensify making everything within my field of vision exquisitely defined.

My senses too became acutely aware of every nuance of the world around me. 
Numerous, minute seed particles floating gently in front of me, glinting in the sunlight like constellations of stars.

The chill, fresh morning air pressing  against my face, cooling my skin.

The damp, earthy smell of the soil as its carpet of foliage slowly turns to mulch.

The barely audible breath of the wind whispering a message from Gaia to my soul –
” Do you remember when we were young, you and I? 

The days and hours we spent together in loving intimacy.

Both honouring our individuality yet knowing we are essentially one and the same.

I brought you into this world, made from my essence. 

And you will return to me again, reunited in death.

My love for you is unconditional.

You are , after all my child.

I would ask of you one thing before it is too late. 

That you remember what we had before we became distant from each other. Before you decided to go your own way”.

 

“We still have the opportunity to begin again, to relive past joys and create a renewed bond between us. One that will satisfy both of our desperate desires for eternal unity. Of a sense of oneness, of finally coming home.

After all, it was not me who changed, it was you.

There is no blame though. You needed to see how life could be.

But now I feel it is time for you to return to me for both our sakes. 

For if you do not, I fear we will be lost to each other forever”.
I sat, somewhat disorientated on a park bench.

The message was clear, Although no actual words had been said, the message was clear and unambiguous.

Unless we collectively take heed of our actions as a species, both we and our beloved planet are destined to never be reconciled. Our loss will be greater as she can continue without us,but we cannot without her.