An Anomalous Life…..

Ever since I can remember I have had anomalous experiences. These along with many other synchroniticous events have always hinted to me about the presence of something ‘other’ than what is ordinarily percieved in ordinary day to day life.
I have long since stopped sharing these episodes with others as it would appear that they are not common to many people. That is most individuals believe that I am either joking or are simply more unhinged than I appear already!!

This empathic trait of mine seems to allow me to access to the sensing of other energetic phenomena not common to others. A few examples follow, please indulge me as I would appreciate your thoughts –
– as a child I have a distinct recollection of conversing with a kind of Lilliputian group of people who lived in my house. They also had a german shepherd dog.
– Seeing fleeting glimpses of seemingly spirit like persons drifting across my bedroom
– have lived in many ‘haunted’ houses where soap has flown off window sills, doorbells rang where there were none, seeing part or whole human figures who passed through solid objects, shaking beds and creaking floorboards with no physical explanation to state just a few
– hearing ‘voices’ / partial conversations when no one was around
– feelings of being watched whilst visiting some ancient sites and having had later looked at the photo’s observed small, gremlin type faces in the undergrowth.

I have come to accept these things as ‘normal’ now and I simply smile wryly to myself at any further incidents, usually speaking aloud to whatever causative factor I percieve it to be.
It sometimes feels that I am in some way a catalyst to these events and are integral to them.

There are also varieties on this theme too whereby synchronitic occurrences take place or simply just odd situations occurring.
I once had a kundalini type experience whilst I was walking through a local park on a beautiful, sunny Autumn day. It was quite unnerving and on the way home I took time to peer into a nearby river. There for the first time I saw an eel swimming in the clear water. Following a bit of evening research I discoverd kundalini was described as a snake found at the base of the spine. Also that the symbol ouroboros related to some aspects of my life at that time.

It seems that the Universe may have many messages for us but we need to be open to them and be able to somewhat objective in their analysis in how they may relate to us.

” Synchronicity is an ever present reality for those who have the eyes to see”.
Carl Jung.

I would also add so are anomalous experiences 😊

Empath Problems

Living the life of ( what is largely described as) an empath is a very challenging experience to say the very least. After all trying to exist and live a ‘normal’ human existence is frequently fraught with anxiety, stress, drama and perceived obstacles. 
So it is not surprising that those of us who share a predisposition to being energetically sensitive have more than the average person to contend with. 

Whether or not we agree with the term ’empath’ many of us indeed share similar proclivities. There are going to be variables depending on individuals however many ( including myself) experience the following :

  – a tendency to pick up on the emotional states of others ( and sometimes confuse them as our own) 

  – a tendency to pick up on Earth / Nature energies 

  – an extreme sensitivity to whatsoever is in the energetic field of our vicinity, including spirits, ghosts and paranormal entities 

  – we may take on physiological and psychological aspects of those to whom we are close to 

  – numinous spiritual occurrences, for example Advaitic, Kundalini et al episodes 

  – moving in and out of anothers dreams. 

This list certainly is not exhaustive nor exclusive but it gives us an idea of what ‘ normal’ can be like for the empathic on a day to day basis. 

Before we discover and understand our ‘ energetic sensitivity’ we are largely at the mercy of whatever situation we find ourselves in. This can leave ourselves prone to intense uncontrolled emotions, questioning our sanity as well as feelings of isolation and loneliness ( due to not being able to confide our feelings to those around us). This is when being empathic can feel like a curse. 

However it is possible to embrace these abilities and to enjoy the rich depths of insight and sensuality open to us. 

The first step is to understand what being empathic is. 

The next is to find what works for us to enable the individual to maintain balance and reign in some of these disparate energies. Some find grounding, shielding and meditation helps. 

We do though need to bear in mind that we need to be loving and compassionate to ourselves. The fact that on our journey so far we have encountered many, many challenges, possibly more than most others. And this is often without the advantage of peer support due to the uniqueness of our predilection for sensitivity. 
Namaste ( “I bow to the divine in you” – Hinduism) 

  –

The Grove

I have on many occasions happened upon sites that seem to have their own, shall we say, ‘ anima loci’ and associated energy. It is reputed that Nature Spirits too have a different, subtle but intense energy. It is then not particularly surprising that energetically sensitive individuals ( e.g. empaths) are more prone to sensing their presence. 
There were many there, just out of sight, obscured from my vision by their different vibration. They were able to manifest if they so desired, enabled even more so due to the liminal and numinous nature of the site. 

A canopy of leaves from the large cluster of fir trees prevented the daylight from revealing much of the ruinous stone circle and its environs. This added further more to the air of mystery and secrecy around me. Any ceremonial or magical activity was securely cloistered from the outside world by the tight knit plantation of trees and dense undergrowth surrounding the stones that remained. 

I sensed many ethereal eyes watching me from under the cover of the bushes, trees and foliage as I sat on a nearby log. The air around me felt heavy with anticipation as if I had in some way interrupted some sacred liturgy. 

The moist sandstone hewn stones covered in moss and lichen appeared to subtly emanate a low green phosphoresence again adding to the apparent preternaturalness of the occasion. 

 The overhanging branches of the trees met the verdant amorphous scrub rising up from bog strewn soil as if to encapsulate all within in a further act of concealment. 

A small winged creature skittered across the pond a little off to my left in my peripheral vision. I was uncertain as to what creature it may have been but its action was determinedly avoidant. 

The slim lower branches of the trees were entwined with gorse, holly and ferns forming an almost impenetrable mesh in the undergrowth around the stones themselves. I swear that I could see hundreds of small faces in amongst the leaves, some wizened and grotesque whilst some appeared young and vibrant. 

Feeling distinctly awkward, a little anxious and somewhat unnerved I stood up to leave by the way I came. The pathway between the trees was up ahead, strange fluorescent blue lights seemed to be emanating from behind them as if each one were hiding a wisp like spirit within their trunks. They lined either side of the track like surreptitious phantoms silently awaiting the arrival ( or departure) of a very important guest. 

Thankfully as I walked towards them their cerulean glow seemed to dissipate the closer I become. 

Still having the sensation on the back of my shoulders and head of watchful eyes burning into them, I briskly left the grove into a comparatively sunnier and thus lighter atmosphere of a nearby glade. Whatsoever esoteric event was taking place that afternoon I would never know and perhaps it’s best that way. Some things are best hidden from the tender eyes and minds of mortals.

October

For me, October is the most energetically charged of months. It’s as if my mind, body and soul have come home to their original abode.

Sitting here on this ancient hilltop, my back leaning against one of the many gnarled yew trees that stand in groups around the site, I look out across the valley below.

A golden Autumnal dusk gradually cloaks the countryside around me, the cool chill of the evening air caresses my skin.

The pungent but aromatic smell of the cold damp earth permeating my lungs, taking me back to my childhood days of wonder and my natural immersion in Nature.

The gentle golden sunbeams shining softly through the small copses foliage, casting long shadows towards the summit of the hill.

A translucent mist rises from the river like a spectral memory of the mythical past. Reminding me of our race’s spiritual closeness to these rivulets of life, of offerings cast into their watery depths.

The leaves slowly changing hue, producing a deep yellow and vermillion backdrop of foliage, rich in colour and texture.
No other month seems to suggest so strongly the inherent cycles of Nature. The continuous movement of the seasons as the year winds down, from the yang of Spring and Summer to the yin of Autumn and Winter are exemplified by the sensual changes in climate and flora.

There seems a stronger spiritual link to the past at this time. Of forgotten memories of previous lives of my ancestors. Times of hardship, of storing food for the Winter, of having to fortify their houses and selves against the oncoming frost and snow.

Rituals are performed, acknowledging our integral relationship with Nature herself. To again become intimately aware of our dependence and oneness with all there is and ever was.
Returning from my reverie, I become aware that night is fast approaching. A distinct, almost physical coldness has arisen with the rising mist. As I return home, looking behind me I can see the encroaching darkness combining with the mist to create a crystal ball like visual portal to the past. I imagine that I can see the spectral souls of long dead citizens busying themselves with preparations for a forthcoming feast. It would be a night of flickering campfires, an almost tangible smell of roast meat fills the air, a chorus of excited, barely hushed voices emanate from the camp.

The often flimsy, gossamer margins between the past, present and future worlds dissipate further to produce moments of a unified sensuality of spirit, of complete oneness.
I leave them to continue to eternally re-enact their celebrations in peace.

Ghost

It is somewhat like how I imagine a ghost or vampire would feel living amongst humanity. A solitary soul, wandering along life’s streets and highways. I am amongst the human population but apparently not of them.I feel that I have lived for millennia, that there is nothing in life that I have not experienced or witnessed. 

My senses are at times, painfully acute.  Almost any sensory input can transport me to a distant memory or a vision of a different time and place which I may or may not recall. People passing  me in the street unknowingly impart their history, present and future. 

My entrapment in human form is a constant source of tension. I feel as if the combination of my conscious and unconscious worlds are barely able to be contained within my finite current physicality. 
My human nervous system feels overloaded with the vast spectrum of stimuli impacting on my sensorium, both from my internal and external senses . Occasionally, if spoken to, I will seem confused and anxious. I will hear words but will be unable to understand them. The barrage of sensory input will be overwhelming and I will only be able to perceive it in its raw form, that is, unprocessed and undeciphered.
Everywhere is energy. All shades of colour, of differing depths and densities. The more dense the energy, the clearer to the naked eye. Beyond the naked eye all energy is one. It seemingly presents in different forms giving humans the sensual illusion of separateness. 

As I go about my day amongst others, in their eyes I see their appraisal of me. I’m an obstacle, I’m a friend, I’m a threat, I’m a resource. To all intensent purposes, to others I am a projecion. 

Despite my wish to share the depth of my experiences, my awe at the intricate beauty of life and the pure strength of compassion I feel, I remain just a ghost. A ghost who perhaps no-one will ever truly know, To this fate I am largely resigned, perhaps it is penance for the gift of having an exquisitely, almost excruciatingly painful sensitivity. But one I would not be without. 

“Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.” 

― C.G. Jung

Trespassing………

By way of explanation, I produce my written meanderings as a way of expressing my empathic, spiritual and ‘ sensitive’  interpretations of my experiences. I seem to pick up on various energies, mainly from people and places. I try largely not to interpret what presents itself but to offer it up as a raw, objective ( as far as is possible ) interpretation. Any comments and thoughts from others are valuable as they give a different credence to my understanding.

I suppose I simply hope to impart the magic of our world in all its bittersweetness.
Trespassing………?

As I struggle stumblingly through the thick foliage and dead wood on the ground in order to reach my destination, I already feel the atmosphere around me begin to change. The branches and twigs snagging on my clothes and scratching at my hands and face almost seem to deliberately attempt to impede my progress, as if to infer that passage to the stones was to be as inhospitable as possible. There was to be no welcome to this place at this time. It was if they were acting as  an organic deterrent to outsiders ensuring the sanctity and reverence of the site at this moment was not disturbed.

Entering the much overgrown copse where the large stones lay strewn, I could feel a sense of menace and reproach at my presence. The Autumnal sunlight was unable to penetrate the heavy and oppressive foliage seemingly forming a canopy over me to further keep the stones and whatever ceremony had been taking place from prying eyes.

The pungent smell of decaying flora seems to flood my lungs when I inhale, my breath forming small, wisp like clouds in the cold but somehow cloying air about me.

The seven or eight grey, lichen covered stones standing around five to six feet tall amongst the undergrowth had somehow seemed to almost become barely perceptible as if attempting to hide their presence in shame, in the hope that I would not discover their guilt at what practices they had borne witness to. The gritstone blocks which lay above the earth appeared as if they were large, barely identifiable faces of an ancient, ogre like race, twisted and contorted as they were made to behold dark and unspeakable acts committed in their presence.

A penetrating , icy chill took hold of my bones as if the the cold vestiges of the presence of Death had yet to dissipate. I could sense a hundred eyes watching me as I stood there, frozen with anxious apprehension. My expectation being that a malevolent force would at any moment suck out my soul and condemn my spirit to join others here for eternity.

It was as if all the warm, if somewhat shy, benevolent nature spirits that normally inhabitted the woods had been banished to be replaced with their shadow counterparts . From being a sanctum of love and reverence to Nature, the site was now an energetic antithesis of same. A place of conjuring of dark, primordial forces in the pursuit of power and influence in the physical world by the offering up of ceremonial spiritual sacrifices.

I quickly turned my back to the stones and hastily and rather clumsily made my way back to the road. Trying not to run ( as was my predilection) in order not to precipitate what I felt might become a chase I approached my car, fumbled with my keys, desperately trying to not look behind me.

I slammed the car door behind me, by way of physically putting an end to the experience. I sighed heavily with relief, trying not to reflect on my somewhat surreal experience.

Different……….

I think our whole society tries to stabilize itself by starting out to destroy sensitivity to incoherence starting with very young children. If people could see the vast incoherence that is going on in society they would be disturbed and they would feel the need to do something. If you’re not sensitive to it you don’t feel disturned and you don’t feel you need to do anything.
I remember an instance, a daughter was telling her mother, “this school is terrible, the teacher is terrible, very inconsistent, doing all sorts of crazy things,” and so on. Finally the mother was saying, “You’d better stop this–in this house the teacher is always right.” Now she understood that the teacher was wrong obviously, but the message was, it was no use. Even the message may have been right in some sense, but still it illustrates that the predicament is that in order to avoid this sort of trouble, starting with very young children, we are trained to become insensitive to incoherence. If there is incoherence in our own behavior, we thereby also become insensitive to it.

—David Bohm, seminar on Thought and Dialogue in Ojai, November 4, 1989

For as long as I remember I have always felt different to most people, not special or gifted, just different. My perspective of the world even as a child has seemingly been unlike others. I remember being in a history lesson at school being very concerned about the then Cold War between Russia and the West and being admonished by the teacher for not concentrating. I was outraged, how could an adult ( who I had been told was to be respected and obeyed due to their standing ) not be concerned or apparently give a thought to the plight of the world.
There have been many instances ( and still are ) where I have seen the world from a completely different standpoint to the majority. I seem to have some degree of empathic ability ( I can often feel others emotions, thoughts, intentions,history,motivations etc ) although this is deemed as science fiction by society as a whole. Nevertheless here I am receiving subtle information about others somewhat unbidden.
I believe that for many people who perceive the world differently there is a tendency to grow up invalidated to some extent, this can lead to low self esteem and anxiety as we sometimes feel we must be faulty in some way. Some will give up their unique perspective and replace it with a more socially acceptable one in order to not feel isolated or alone. Some, like myself do not seem to be able to do this. Despite years of feeling largely alone in the world in terms of shared ideology I am now extremely happy that I stuck with it.

The truth is many of us are different in many ways, this however should be acknowledged and nurtured not denied by a societal construct that does not allow for individual interpretations of events but would rather hide them away or deny their very existence . The reason being the threat to the status quo, the fear of descent into chaos if people are trusted to make free decisions without censure.

Life as perceived by most people is not coherent but rather than hide or bury this perception we should perhaps push ourselves so as we can arrive at a mote mutual reality.

“As a child I felt myself to be alone, and I am still, because I know things and must hint at things which others apparently know nothing of, and for the most part do not want to know.” 
― C.G. Jung, Memories, Dreams, Reflections

“Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.” 
― C.G. Jung

 

 

 

 

Words to the Wise?

From a lifetime of reading the one person historically  I most resonate with in terms of similar beliefs / understandings is Carl Jung. There are far too many to list so I will just concentrate on one for now.

Throughout my life I have had many spiritual type experiences, usually at times I have felt more grounded e.g. following meditation. From what could be termed supernatural events to an Advaita like experience.

Some of these occurrences have been so powerful I have become concerned that I would become lost to myself and that I would be somehow caught between the worlds. Fortunately this has not happened and I have had the fortune to glimpse other perspectives  and return to my human self. Carl Jung describes it very eloquently:

It is under all conditions a most advisable thing to keep to the conscious and rational side, i.e., to maintain that side.

One never should lose sight of it. It is the safeguard without which you would lose yourself on unknown seas.

You would invite illness, indeed, if you should give up your conscious and rational orientation.

On the other hand, it is equally true that life is not only rational.

To a certain extent you have to keep your senses open to the non-rational aspects of
existence. . . .

The unconscious itself is neither tricky nor evil – it is Nature, both beautiful and terrible. . . .

The best way of dealing with the unconscious is the creative way. . . ~Carl Jung, Letters Vol. 1, Pages 108-109.

Jung has said that the unconscious long identified as the oceanic in man, is Nature.

The seeker of himself often feels cast adrift, setting a course between light and dark but ultimately moved along by unseen currents deep within. ~Claire Dunne, Wounded Healer of the Soul, Page 87.