It is somewhat like how I imagine a ghost or vampire would feel living amongst humanity. A solitary soul, wandering along life’s streets and highways. I am amongst the human population but apparently not of them.I feel that I have lived for millennia, that there is nothing in life that I have not experienced or witnessed.
My senses are at times, painfully acute. Almost any sensory input can transport me to a distant memory or a vision of a different time and place which I may or may not recall. People passing me in the street unknowingly impart their history, present and future.
My entrapment in human form is a constant source of tension. I feel as if the combination of my conscious and unconscious worlds are barely able to be contained within my finite current physicality.
My human nervous system feels overloaded with the vast spectrum of stimuli impacting on my sensorium, both from my internal and external senses . Occasionally, if spoken to, I will seem confused and anxious. I will hear words but will be unable to understand them. The barrage of sensory input will be overwhelming and I will only be able to perceive it in its raw form, that is, unprocessed and undeciphered.
Everywhere is energy. All shades of colour, of differing depths and densities. The more dense the energy, the clearer to the naked eye. Beyond the naked eye all energy is one. It seemingly presents in different forms giving humans the sensual illusion of separateness.
As I go about my day amongst others, in their eyes I see their appraisal of me. I’m an obstacle, I’m a friend, I’m a threat, I’m a resource. To all intensent purposes, to others I am a projecion.
Despite my wish to share the depth of my experiences, my awe at the intricate beauty of life and the pure strength of compassion I feel, I remain just a ghost. A ghost who perhaps no-one will ever truly know, To this fate I am largely resigned, perhaps it is penance for the gift of having an exquisitely, almost excruciatingly painful sensitivity. But one I would not be without.
“Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.”
― C.G. Jung
7 thoughts on “Ghost ”
This is a beautifully written example of how life can feel to an empath. An empath who has not yet figured out that his life is his own to dictate. I came to read your blog, because you liked my blog. “How to Live a Happy Life as an Empath.” This writing really speaks to me of how out of balance I was. The best advice I can give you is to know that you can turn it on and off. All you have to do is be determined to do so. I can only turn it off for about 7 hours at a time and then I will begin to feel everything again. It is as PeponiEarth earth says… Overwhelming! But just stating my name.. “I am Amy Josepha Richards Ellis and only that which is me or my divine guidance are allowed in my space!” Generally helps to reign in my energy and ground me back into my body. I hope this helps you as well!
You should also know that I think of it as my “Superpower” I can turn it back on by simply intending it, then I can walk up to someone’s closet and hold up each and every piece of clothing and tell them what they like and or dislike about it, because the energy is imprinted in the fabric and I can “Feel” the story! So I do understand a bit of what you are describing. I love being who I am. But I love it even more now that I can distinguish what is mine, and what is someone else’s… And not mine to have to handle. I was trespassing. I now go only when I am invited.
Thank you Amy, lovely words 😀 Fortunately that was written a while back and things have moved on for me 🙂
Wow… wow…Wow! I love this! I want to share this on 2020 FB page… would that be okay? And so fitting for Hallow. You are such a good writer!
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Thank you Molly, feel free to share 🙂
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What can I say? These words, each one, stroke or strike a different note in my overwhelmed soul. My feet sometimes seem to move without my awareness. I become ‘Blank”- as you describe it, ghostlike. I feel naked, always vulnerable, desperate to curl into my turtle shell and protect myself from all the evil in the world. At the same time, my eyes feel as wide open as the moon, luminous beauty of this Universe filling me with swelling emotion. Beauty is something I feel as fully as pain.
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Thank you Peponi, your posts echo my feelings and sentiments too. For want of a better description I’m empathic and very INFP. Wonderful to hear from a mutual soul 🙂