It is somewhat like how I imagine a ghost or vampire would feel living amongst humanity. A solitary soul, wandering along life’s streets and highways. I am amongst the human population but apparently not of them.I feel that I have lived for millennia, that there is nothing in life that I have not experienced or witnessed.
My senses are at times, painfully acute. Almost any sensory input can transport me to a distant memory or a vision of a different time and place which I may or may not recall. People passing me in the street unknowingly impart their history, present and future.
My entrapment in human form is a constant source of tension. I feel as if the combination of my conscious and unconscious worlds are barely able to be contained within my finite current physicality.
My human nervous system feels overloaded with the vast spectrum of stimuli impacting on my sensorium, both from my internal and external senses . Occasionally, if spoken to, I will seem confused and anxious. I will hear words but will be unable to understand them. The barrage of sensory input will be overwhelming and I will only be able to perceive it in its raw form, that is, unprocessed and undeciphered.
Everywhere is energy. All shades of colour, of differing depths and densities. The more dense the energy, the clearer to the naked eye. Beyond the naked eye all energy is one. It seemingly presents in different forms giving humans the sensual illusion of separateness.
As I go about my day amongst others, in their eyes I see their appraisal of me. I’m an obstacle, I’m a friend, I’m a threat, I’m a resource. To all intensent purposes, to others I am a projecion.
Despite my wish to share the depth of my experiences, my awe at the intricate beauty of life and the pure strength of compassion I feel, I remain just a ghost. A ghost who perhaps no-one will ever truly know, To this fate I am largely resigned, perhaps it is penance for the gift of having an exquisitely, almost excruciatingly painful sensitivity. But one I would not be without.
“Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.”
― C.G. Jung